Fat Asian Baby

There is something seriously wrong with the Fat Asian Baby, and we could be reaching crisis level. Exhibit A: Yesterday I attended a conference on World Hegemony and the Anglo-American Legacy hosted by the American University of Paris. Rather than contemplating hegemony or whatever it is I was supposed to be thinking about, I spent about 85% of the time wondering what it would be like to fuck each of the panelists, who, mind you, were all over the age of fifty, if not sixty, graying or gray, and well, shall we say, nerdy?
Somebody please stage an intervention.