Fat Asian Baby

Tonight the Fatales bring it to the Mercury Lounge.

If you are perchance interested in actual details rather than the abstracted version, please consult ViaGina.

Since he officially can't possibly be using her for her money, Paris² decides to make it official.

As if you hadn't already noticed, the Saddle Creek bid for world domination nears completion as the Faint and Bright Eyes take over Earthlink Live not just tonight but tomorrow night as well.

Is it just me or is there something wrong with a graduate student driving herself over 900 miles to one's childhood home, waking up the next day, wandering down to the kitchen excited at the prospect of a quality meal, opening the fridge and cabinets to discover that the only viable candidates for consumption seem to be a) a jar of pickles, b) some swiss cheese, c) a tupperware of something orange that may be sweet potatoes or yams but if they are, are definitely leftover from THANKSGIVING and were probably resurrected from the freezer sometime in the last three weeks, or d) several packages of Ramen Noodles? FABParents, I know food is not such a priority for you, but you seemed rather excited to have me home. SO WHY AM I NOW COOKING MYSELF RAMEN NOODLES FOR LUNCH ON MY FIRST DAY HOME????

(pic via stereogum)
LA is so weird.

The Midtown Best Buy (on Moreland Ave. between L5P and EATL) is offering FREE Music Midtown tickets for all three days (while supplies last, of course) if you come in today and sign up for their Rewards Zone program (which costs $9.99). FAB hearts crossmarketing when it works in our favor like this. Honestly, this sort of excitement is almost too much for us to handle.

If you're not rubbing elbows with the hoardes of sweet high school ass at Rilo Kiley* tonight, come on down to the Mercury Lounge where FAB will be making like a groupie and checkingout Atlanta natives Snowden as they open for Brant Bjork.


*And if you want to go to Rilo Kiley, it seems this guy has an extra ticket.

This woman is officially FAB's new hero. We wonder if she is willing to participate in a competitive eating mentoring program for aspiring young eaters.

We have finally arrived in freezing and rainy New York but are nonetheless delighted to tell you that the Raveonettes will be shakin' things up tonight at Smith's Olde Bar and the lovely Kill Gordon will be doing his thing at MJQ tonight.

Our sincerest apologies for being a bit remiss in our blogging duties. The FABMama's arrival is imminent so we're rather busy scrambling to shove our entire lifestyle under the bed. We're being forced to go underground for a few days, but we'll see you in New York.

And we were worried that we'd be missing out on all the fun. FAB may actually be able to catch a show or two this summer. The White Stripes summer tour inexplicably but mercifully stops in both Serbia and Croatia. We are so there. We think.

Remember Bobby Brown? No, not the makeup artist...Whitney's tender loving baby daddy. Today we have learned a few new things (from Perez) about Bobby Brown:
1. He is still "famous"
2. Reality show?
3. Over the weekend, some of his associates were stabbed (ooh!) in a fight at the Diddy's Buckhead restaurant, Justin's.

As we prepare for our first annual migration up the eastern seaboard to our home planet of New York, we thought we'd take this opportunity to stop being selfish and introduce you to a few bands along the way that we've been keeping to ourselves.

First stop: Baltimore, MD.
Daggerhearts are a trio originally hailing from Poughkeepsie, New York who have settled comfortably into the Baltimore music scene in the last ten months. FAB once heard them described as "synth-pop." We have absolutely no idea what this means, but we know there is a synthesizer in there somewhere underneath the self-consciously sultry vocals of Victoria Legrand. You can often catch Daggerhearts at the Talking Head in Baltimore or sample some of their music on MySpace.


On the way: Wandering I-95 between DC and Brooklyn.

The Fatales have this unique quality that is at once quirkily ethereal yet balls-on precise, musically speaking. In a good way. A really good way. We won't divulge too much here because we think you should go check them out on MySpace and then haul yourself to the Mercury Lounge on May 31st.




Last stop: New York, New York.
The Unsacred Hearts is your standard four-man New York indie punk act with a sound and a presence that are anything but standard. Their self-titled EP features the kind of seriously rocking, hard-driving beats that FAB suspects make your insides shake if you're lucky enough to be in the same room with them. If you're in town, check out the Unsacred Hearts May 25th at Death Disco New York at the Delancey. Of course, you can always check them out first on MySpace.

We have returned from our extraordinary overconsumption extravaganza that included Pizza Capri, Armenians, the UChicago B-School cafeteria, Mi Tierra, family trip to the Wrigley Field Taco Bell, tasty undocumented watermelon shake at the Gelatina by the airport, and many more quesadillas:


The flagship Pizzeria Uno. FAB did not feel compelled to go inside as we had recently enjoyed a stuffed spinach pizza elsewhere.




Armenians are our second favorite ethnic group, after Jews, of course. Rest assured, many bouregs were consumed.


Another 5,000 years, bitches!


(Gratuitous unfood-related scenic shot.)

Oldies but goodies Built to Spill will be rockinout the 40 Watt in Athens tonight.

Or if you're really feeling Athens, really you are, but you're too damn lazy to haul ass, check out Athens band Psychic Hearts at Lenny's.

Have we learned nothing from the disappointing suckiness of Chaotic? Now Lil' Kim wants on the reality bandwagon.

So let us be brief. If we were not too busy stuffing ourselves with stuffed crust pizza and pitchers of beer with all the pastier nerdierness that U of Chicago has to offer, we would certainly be at the Loft tonight to hear Pinback.

Speaking of style icons, here's yesterday's fug. FAB simply cannot comprehend just what is going on here.

The Fat Asian Baby is off to Chicago to indulge in Chicago-style hot dogs (though to be honest, after this weekend, we could probably live a hot dog-free existence for the next three to five years or so and be perfectly content with our lot), deep dish pizza, and various other assorted beer-battered meat products.


For those staying in Atlanta, check out Snowden tonight at Smiths Olde Bar.

Or check out DAT Politics at the Drunken Unicorn. Don't know who they are? Read more here.

The White House points fingers.
Wonkette states the obvious.

Has anybody seen Spencer Sloan lately? We're starting to get worried.

Mariah to become a fashion icon (cough) with a little help from her new fairy godmother, Andre Leon Talley. We wish you luck, Andre. God help us, we really do.

Boys the world over cream their panties as the elusive PS3 is revealed.


In other news, scientist debunks existing theories and declares the elusive female orgasm is just "for fun" but serves no evolutionary purpose whatsoever.

(via cityrag)

In other news, she's actually overweight. (via trent)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(gasp)HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Just as we'd long suspected, English officially not a priority in England's schools.

This weekend we had a very successful pool party/bbq.

In tangentially related news, if you're in the Atlanta area and have a hankering for a hot dog, or a tofu dog, or a turkey dog, or a beer, please see FAB immediately. I've got your number. Trust me. (Seriously, if someone doesn't intervene soon, the next time anyone sees me, I may be passed out in a corner, bloated on girly beer with hotdogs coming out of my ears. There are only two of us here now, we're both leaving for the summmer soon, and so I've been guilted into eating hotdogs at five of my last seven meals. Please, help me.)

Paris Hilton is more the thespian than we give her credit for. As it turns out, she just acts like a dumb whore all the time, but actually she's "always been proud of her classroom achievements." Thanks for clearing that one up, Paris.

If you can find a ticket, lovable nerds Weezer will be at the Tabernacle Saturday night.

Sunday night, check out Unplugged in the Park featuring Kill Gordon and Jennifer Daniels. Hey, it's free.

On Sale Today:
The Warped Tour at the HiFi Buys Amphitheatre on Wed, 08/03/05.

Rockin' chicks Sleater-Kinney will be rockin' out at the Variety Playhouse in L5P on Fri, 07/01/05.

On Sale Tomorrow:
Green Day (if this were ten years ago I'd make some sort of witty comment here) at Philips Arena on Tue, 08/23/05.

Her Duffness will be getting all civic over at the Columbus Civic Center in Columbus, GA on Sun, 08/07/05.

Dear Taxi-Driving (or Limo-Driving) Friends,

While the sweet temptation of your ever-ready services are perhaps to be the bane of my financial existence, I cannot help but cling fast to our love. You have been there for me on many a late, rainy, and/or drunken night. Some of you have been so kind as to tactfully look the other way as my friends deposit the contents of their aching bellies out your window as they are wont to do. But however great my love for you may be, there remain a few relationship matters that I think could use some work.

1. FAB does not enjoy reversing up the FDR. I, too, was dismayed to see the halting traffic ahead of us, particularly in light of the taxi meter's continued climb deep into my wallet. Nonetheless, I generally consider it inappropriate to reverse up said highway. Please bear in mind that the FDR is a major thoroughfare with OTHER VEHICLES. I'm fairly certain the other vehicle operators expect you to proceed in the forward direction or not proceed at all.
2. It is generally considered inappropriate to pull over and get in the back seat with the passenger.
3. It is also generally inappropriate to comment on the passenger's bosom and then ask her if she wants to "hang out later" in the same breath.
4. I know that for those few sacred moments when we are together, it is as if we are alone in the world, living only for each other. Nonetheless, this may not be the most appropriate time or venue to inquire into the following:
a)my virginity,
b)my propensity to perform oral sex, or
c)my propensity to receive oral sex.

I am confident that if you bear these simple suggestions in mind our relationship can continue to our mutual benefit and satisfaction.

Most respectfully and gratefully yours,
FAB

Demi confides in good friend Cynthia Rowley that Ashton's "kind of, like, fast" in the sack, and Cynthia confides in good friend the New York Post.

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers beat up his girlfriend or beaten up by his girlfriend?

FAB just loves Popbitch's blind items because they don't even bother playing like they're trying to keep the secret. Point in case:

Which colourful US female popstar has a secret
lesbian love in London? Whenever she's in town,
the star likes to get the party started with her
record company lover. Both girls have a thing
about bikers: the popstar dates them, while the
SonyBMG girl has a copy of Hard Dykes On Bykes
on her laptop.

Gee, mama. Who ever could this be?

We know her breakup from that oily Davis boy has been difficult, so FAB sure hopes Mischa finds what she's looking for. (pic via PageSixSixSix)

So that explains it. While we were all too busy looking the other way, it seems funny guy Dave Chappelle's finally eaten his Bonkers.

Cityrag's Winston DOES NOT look pleased.

According to Bill Gates, iPods are doomed. And he thinks Apple's computers suck too. Now FAB may not know much about technology and admittedly hasn't spent much time at an Apple computer since the days on the Apple IIGS back at Heathcote Elementary, but we're pretty damn impressed by the unerring devotion of all our Mac-using brethren. And just for the record, we think our iPod is pretty neat too. (via Brooklyn Vegan)

It seems everybody's in a marrying mood these days. Heroin chic postergirl Kate Moss is set on marrying heroin's tragic posterboy Pete Doherty. Yeah, that Pete Doherty.

I guess Kim Jong Il does have a sense of humor after all. (via Thighmaster)

Fellow Atlanta blogger Paulie has provided pretty much the same recap of the A Fir-Ju Well/British Sea Power show that FAB would have if she weren't such a lazy c**t. We agree with everything the man says except for the part about Feist because we saw that one woman with the guitar yodelling thing coming from a mile away and mercifully escaped to the front of the bar just moments after she vomited the blessed first notes from her mouth. So in all fairness, we really can't comment now can we?

According to the geniuses at the New York Times, a year later, some college grads still don't know their asses from their elbows. And for others of us, it's been like three years. Says the impressionable youth and fellow over-educated in an unmarketable degree and member of the Tribe of Israel, David, "I've considered moving to the West Coast. Moving overseas and volunteering or teaching English somewhere has also crossed my mind. I'm all over the place and trying to whittle down the possibilities, but I'm staying calm and thinking happy thoughts, reassuring myself that the right opportunity will show itself eventually." Go to grad school, young man, go to grad school. At least then you look busy.

Her adoring public talks some smack about everybody's favorite Southern belle. And man are they pissed. Of course The Smoking Gun is there.

What to do with the so-called Runaway Bride? Well, the city fathers and police from Duluth, Georgia--home to troubled Jennifer Wilbanks--have been deluged with suggestions from the public about how to punish the wide-eyed woman who fled town days before her 600-guest nuptials. Pursuant to an open records request filed by TSG, Duluth officials provided us with in excess of 1000 letters sent to them regarding the Wilbanks matter...

(via A Socialite's Life)

And speaking of Jennifer, FAB loves the NYPost as a mother loves her equally adorable but slightly retarded, gympy younger child, so we most enjoyed this piece by the ever-bitchy Andrea Peyser.

Fat Asian Baby is creaming herself in anticipation of this (thanks ViaGina and whoever was talking about it last night for bringing it to our overheated attention).
According to trusty friend Mapquest, it's only 15 hrs and 30 minutes away.

Tonight British Sea Power will be getting down and dirty at the Earl with support from favorite local boys A Fir-Ju Well.

And oddly Armenian-sounding rockers who are actually just British Kasabian will be at the Loft. (Check 'em out now cause next time they stop by, it's gonna be at the Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheatre.)

Furry actress Renee Zellweger abruptly weds this random cowboy singer person.

Paula continues her tremendously amusing and tremendously public meltdown. Does anyone else find the simple fact that she's even still famous to be the height of absurdity in and of itself?

Chubby rich boy tries to start his own gossip empire.

The Queen B just loves being preggo, ya'll. "Eating for two is so much fun, I get to eat lots and lots." But it seems FetusSpears doesn't like Cheetos nearly as much as Mama cause BritBrit was just rushed to the hospital for stomach pains.

Fun-loving Pacific Northwesterners The Decemberists put on a fantastic show last night despite 100 degree weather inside the Variety Playhouse. FAB will certainly try and check them out at Central Park Summerstage this August.

We don't know if they ever recovered their stuff, but tonight the Decemberists will be at the Variety Playhouse.

My dear friends,
Please accept our sincerest apologies for having been less than attentive to your needs lately. We have been a little busy getting busy or something. And, well, there was that whole final exams, final papers complication as well. We promise we will whisper sweet, sweet nothings into your ear all week.

Much love,
Fat Asian Baby

Picture better late than never...

Tonight the Shins come to the Variety Playhouse.
Or check out local band Trances Arc at Smiths Olde Bar.

And is it just me, or do both of their bellybuttons look abnormally small?
(Pic via low culture)

There appears to be some sort of unholy conspiracy going on down at the NYPost. This morning we've been told we will be unable to view Page Six unless we register and login. But when we attempted to do so, we were told the site was undergoing maintenance. MAINENANCE?? This is what's keeping me from my daily dose???

Helpful robot, Tom Cruise, has used his super-robotic powers to help hundreds of people get off drugs.

Park Avenue socialite orgy spins out of control when Tinsley brings the rap music.

The Fat Asian Baby simply despises blind items. We are not very good at guessing games, but still, we MUST know! So stop being such a cock tease and just come out and tell us, for the love of Jesus.