Monday, November 29, 2004
I'm Back, Barely
If anybody was wondering what that maniacal red blur was racing through Terminal C of Charlotte Douglas International Airport this evening, felling young children left and right with a rolling suitcase, that surely wasn't the Fat Asian Baby. The FAB daddy emailed me to make sure I made my connection to Atlanta since my flight out had been delayed: "I checked the computer until 1119 said "arrived" and 203 "in flight" with a 14-minute gap. I said to Mom, 'If the gates were close, she made it!'" Well folks, the gates were right across from each other. But thanks to the useless USAirways gate greeter, I was erroneously directed to a gate at the complete other end of the terminal and thus forced to double back in a mad and apparently rather violent dash.
Some of the things we learned over the weekend:
1. Do not go home for Thanksgiving if this is going to entail air travel. You've had turkey before and you'll likely have it again in the future.
2. If you do choose to go home, do not bother packing up a heavy bag of books and downloading datasets onto your computer and lugging your computer up the eastern seaboard. You will never even remove any of the books or computer from their respective bags.
3. Though you've long suspected it, those folks at the New York Times have finally completely lost their marbles in some misguided attempt to connect with the masses. Or something. Exhibit A: William Safire's On Language column featuring former roommate D.'s personal favorite pronouncement about "dropping the kids off at the pool." I can only hope this expression will be included in their next edition of "Elements of Style." Exhibit B: That article in the Sunday Styles section about the apparent new craze of genital plastic surgery whose appearance in the New York Times, a journal read by both of my parents, was even more disturbing than an informative web page advert on that very theme that I saw a few weeks ago featuring all manner of misshapen labia and hooha eccentricities that horrified me for days after. I did, however, enjoy the article about quasi-recreational psychopharmaceutical use.
4. The week after Thanksgiving is also the last week of classes, marking the due dates of a cornucopia of assignments and projects you've been avoiding all semester, to make no mention of finals next week. If you do not even remove your computer from its bag or make any progress on said projects over the Thanksgiving weekend, you will be completely, utterly, and profoundly screwed. And to this end, it's probably not a good idea for you to go to the raucous gay dance party that will be the Scissor Sisters concert at the Roxy tomorrow night. Really. It's a totally bad idea.
Some of the things we learned over the weekend:
1. Do not go home for Thanksgiving if this is going to entail air travel. You've had turkey before and you'll likely have it again in the future.
2. If you do choose to go home, do not bother packing up a heavy bag of books and downloading datasets onto your computer and lugging your computer up the eastern seaboard. You will never even remove any of the books or computer from their respective bags.
3. Though you've long suspected it, those folks at the New York Times have finally completely lost their marbles in some misguided attempt to connect with the masses. Or something. Exhibit A: William Safire's On Language column featuring former roommate D.'s personal favorite pronouncement about "dropping the kids off at the pool." I can only hope this expression will be included in their next edition of "Elements of Style." Exhibit B: That article in the Sunday Styles section about the apparent new craze of genital plastic surgery whose appearance in the New York Times, a journal read by both of my parents, was even more disturbing than an informative web page advert on that very theme that I saw a few weeks ago featuring all manner of misshapen labia and hooha eccentricities that horrified me for days after. I did, however, enjoy the article about quasi-recreational psychopharmaceutical use.
4. The week after Thanksgiving is also the last week of classes, marking the due dates of a cornucopia of assignments and projects you've been avoiding all semester, to make no mention of finals next week. If you do not even remove your computer from its bag or make any progress on said projects over the Thanksgiving weekend, you will be completely, utterly, and profoundly screwed. And to this end, it's probably not a good idea for you to go to the raucous gay dance party that will be the Scissor Sisters concert at the Roxy tomorrow night. Really. It's a totally bad idea.
