Fat Asian Baby

So I just had this awesome conversation with the FAB mothership on the phone. All of our conversations are awesome, but this one was particularly enjoyable. It starts out with her asking me about what I’ve been doing (going to parties) now that I’ve finished exams and how did I do on these exams (gee, I dunno yet) and why don’t I know (because I haven’t gotten my grades back) but don’t they have a system on the computer to tell you your grades like at Columbia (yes they do, but I think I have to wait until they actually grade my exam or something). And have there been boys at these parties (no) and so do I have fun anyway even though it's just girls all the time (I guess). Then she moves on to tell me all about these exciting new stamps she just bought that have pictures of God knows what on them by Native American artists and how they peel right off the sheet like stickers and they're much easier and isn’t it amazing how everything just keeps getting easier (I suppose/hadn’t really thought about it much). Moving right along, she begins telling me how the stamps are for the annual hokey holiday card and how I'm probably not going to the like the picture because I don’t look as good as [my sister-in-law] in it (read: yes I am the fattest member of my family, thank you for bringing it up yet again. And my sister-in-law gave birth not too many months ago so apparently my mother finds this distinction particularly noteworthy). Then I ask her, in mock disbelief, what’s that you’re saying? Oh nothing, just that you don’t look as good as, uh, others. Then she asks me if I've been getting enough exercise (of course not), as though I can't follow her train of thought. So then I ask why we still have to send out a family picture with the holiday card every year since pretty much nobody gives a shit about how much lovelier I’ve grown and they probably just want to see the new baby and stuff and every year you tell me I look chunky so maybe we should just stop including me in the picture altogether. I think we’d all be much happier this way. She said maybe next year.
Awesome.