Friday, May 13, 2005
A Few Words for Our Taxi-Driving Friends in the Fine Cities of Atlanta and New York
Dear Taxi-Driving (or Limo-Driving) Friends,
While the sweet temptation of your ever-ready services are perhaps to be the bane of my financial existence, I cannot help but cling fast to our love. You have been there for me on many a late, rainy, and/or drunken night. Some of you have been so kind as to tactfully look the other way as my friends deposit the contents of their aching bellies out your window as they are wont to do. But however great my love for you may be, there remain a few relationship matters that I think could use some work.
1. FAB does not enjoy reversing up the FDR. I, too, was dismayed to see the halting traffic ahead of us, particularly in light of the taxi meter's continued climb deep into my wallet. Nonetheless, I generally consider it inappropriate to reverse up said highway. Please bear in mind that the FDR is a major thoroughfare with OTHER VEHICLES. I'm fairly certain the other vehicle operators expect you to proceed in the forward direction or not proceed at all.
2. It is generally considered inappropriate to pull over and get in the back seat with the passenger.
3. It is also generally inappropriate to comment on the passenger's bosom and then ask her if she wants to "hang out later" in the same breath.
4. I know that for those few sacred moments when we are together, it is as if we are alone in the world, living only for each other. Nonetheless, this may not be the most appropriate time or venue to inquire into the following:
a)my virginity,
b)my propensity to perform oral sex, or
c)my propensity to receive oral sex.
I am confident that if you bear these simple suggestions in mind our relationship can continue to our mutual benefit and satisfaction.
Most respectfully and gratefully yours,
FAB
While the sweet temptation of your ever-ready services are perhaps to be the bane of my financial existence, I cannot help but cling fast to our love. You have been there for me on many a late, rainy, and/or drunken night. Some of you have been so kind as to tactfully look the other way as my friends deposit the contents of their aching bellies out your window as they are wont to do. But however great my love for you may be, there remain a few relationship matters that I think could use some work.
1. FAB does not enjoy reversing up the FDR. I, too, was dismayed to see the halting traffic ahead of us, particularly in light of the taxi meter's continued climb deep into my wallet. Nonetheless, I generally consider it inappropriate to reverse up said highway. Please bear in mind that the FDR is a major thoroughfare with OTHER VEHICLES. I'm fairly certain the other vehicle operators expect you to proceed in the forward direction or not proceed at all.
2. It is generally considered inappropriate to pull over and get in the back seat with the passenger.
3. It is also generally inappropriate to comment on the passenger's bosom and then ask her if she wants to "hang out later" in the same breath.
4. I know that for those few sacred moments when we are together, it is as if we are alone in the world, living only for each other. Nonetheless, this may not be the most appropriate time or venue to inquire into the following:
a)my virginity,
b)my propensity to perform oral sex, or
c)my propensity to receive oral sex.
I am confident that if you bear these simple suggestions in mind our relationship can continue to our mutual benefit and satisfaction.
Most respectfully and gratefully yours,
FAB
