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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Al Chet Revisited 

  • For the sin I have committed by not just eating but actively coveting bacon and BBQ pulled pork.
  • For sitting idly by as I witness oppression and extreme poverty throughout the world.
  • For driving home when I probably shouldn't just because I'm afraid or too lazy to leave my car parked at the bar overnight.
  • For hurting people by speaking without thinking.
  • For pretending I didn't know the dishwasher needed to be emptied and waiting for someone else to do it.
  • For going home with that guy not because I liked him but because I hoped if I did he would finally stop calling me.
  • For making fun of Tara Reid, Spederline, Renee Zellweger, Ben Affleck, Michelle Williams, and Paris Hilton just because it amuses me.
  • For screening my parents' calls.
  • For thinking bad thoughts about the President even though I know it's not his fault that he's a fucking moron who doesn't know any better.
  • For failing to be there for my friends when they need me.
  • For saying I'm sorry about talking shit about Tara Reid, Spederline, Renee Zellweger, Ben Affleck, Michelle Williams, and Paris Hilton even though I am sorta sorry but have no real intention of stopping anytime soon.
  • For failing to take action while the American and Israeli governments commit acts I find embarrassing or even horrifying.
  • For going to synagogue less this year than I ever have in my entire life.
  • For not having the maturity to be patient with my mother even though I know that all she really wants is for us to be friends.
  • For avoiding eye contact with people I think are going to ask me for money.
  • For not respecting my body.
  • For spending a lot of time talking about midgets.
  • For spending a lot of time talking about midget porn.
  • For getting cable even though the last thing I need is further incentive to be even more of a lazy sack of shit that I already am.
  • For talking smack about people even though I care about them.
  • For humoring my mother only when I think I'm going to get something out of it.
  • For smoking and having to lie about it.
  • For considering Page Six a reliable source of information and spreading unsubstatiated rumors simply because they're pretty funny.
  • For being dismissive of people I think are retarded and for not purging "retarded" from my daily vocabulary.
  • For doing the bare minimum amount of work to get by in school.
  • For eating myself silly and then hating my body.
  • For excessive schadenfreude.
  • For thinking I'm pretty much always right.
  • For looking at the opposite gender in an inappropriate and disrespectful way.
  • For racing to finish the Amidah during the two times I actually do go to synagogue each year just so I can check out the other people there.
    For making little effort to get to know people unless they try to get to know me first.
  • For reembracing tequila shots even though everybody knows that tequila shots only lead to very bad things.
  • For failing to be an advocate for positive social change within my own community.
  • For judging people by their taste in music, art, clothes, and food.
  • For asking family and friends to do things for me that I wouldn't really want to do for them.
  • For being a jealous bitch.
  • For spending inordinant amounts of time thinking, talking, reading, and writing about really frivolous stuff.
  • For thinking about what I'm going to say next rather than really hearing what somebody is saying to me.
  • For leaving class early because I'm bored.
  • For being unable to always protect people's confidences.
  • For swearing like a sailor.
  • For hating 98% of all the other drivers on the road.
  • For being unable to tell the people that I care about the most how much I love them.
  • For not making enough of an effort to change the things about myself that I know need changing.

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