Thursday, March 09, 2006

This Ain't Your Fifth Grade Band Practice, Buddy 

Leah's lackluster appraisal of the uber-hyped Strokes show at the Tabernacle last night brings to light an issue that we've noticed many times before but never actually bothered to bitch about: complacent or otherwise nonchalant rock acts. This affliction seems to strike bands primarily playing in venues the size of the Tabernacle on up. For New Yorkers, read: Hammerstein or Roseland, though based on our experience, this rocker malaise is a solely extra-NYC phenomenon. While FAB wouldn't begin to know how exhausting it is to be a major touring rock act (or any touring rock act for that matter) twelve cities into a massive national tour, we're still going to take the perhaps overworked and overtired musicians to task here:

Buck up, assholes. You're living the fucking dream. I know you're probably tired from shoving massive amounts of yeo up your nose until the wee hours of the morning while maintaining that affected bored and nonchalant pose that drives the ladies wild then getting up the next day and hauling ass to another city to sound check and do it all over again and again and again all across the continental United States. But, for a moment, think back to the days before you had your own sound slaves and techies and other various minions to haul your shit around for you, and you practically had to beg people to show up at your gigs. We know you have it in you to pull it together and play a real rock show. That is, after all, what we came here for. We know you manage to pull it together for your New York City shows. We've seen you. And you are divine when you want to be. There may not be too many dealmakers and dealbreakers at your show in Atlanta, Savannah, Charleston, Memphis, Chattanooga, Nashville, Birmingham, Topeka, Jacksonville, Baltimore, Richmond, Wheeling or wherever that isn't NY or LA, and maybe this isn't where you got your start, but we still want you to give us what we came for.

So please, stop pretending like you're doing us some gigantic favor by just showing up with your instruments in hand and bring the goddamn rock.

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