Fat Asian Baby

Exhibit A: Fat Asian Baby was kicking it outside a retail store on Orchard St. just north of Stanton, listening to music, hanging out with friends on a bench, and drinking a 40 ouncer of Olde English 800 fine malt liquor in a brown paper bag because that's just the sort of classy gal FAB is. Well, all was well and good. Several cop cars rolled by, but as anyone who has been to the Lower East Side in the last 5+ years can attest, it is like a bacchanalia of poorly dressed Bridge and Tunnel Brigades, some local color, and a few wayward hipsters. In other words, there is interesting shit going on, but FAB was not some of that interesting shit. Or so we thought. The officers* in the fifth cop car to drive by FAB's mini-festivity decided, for whatever reason, that it was time to kick a little ass. I won't bore you with the details of the takedown except to say that these two officers took their jobs extreeeeeeeemely seriously. And when people take their jobs extreeeeeeeeeeeeemely seriously and their extreeeeeeeemely serious job happens to involve interrogating round-faced malt-liquor drinking asian ladies as to whether they're packing heat and/or explosives, it is hard for some of us not to laugh. Except that laughing in the face of those who take their jobs extreeeeemely seriously as they perform their extreeeeeeeeemely serious jobs does not necessarily improve their normally sunny dispositions. At any rate, FAB can either pay $25 for violating silly open container laws or appear in Criminal Court at 9:30AM on October 2nd. Oh yeah, and they made fun of me for being from Georgia**.

Exhibit B: As you may have guessed, FAB attended the Siren Festival at Coney Island on Saturday. Because FABBro works in the music biz, FAB, FABBro, and FABNephew were going to kick it in the VIP tent area behind the Stillwell Stage. The VIP tent area of the exclusive port-o-potty access and open bar. Yeah. Until security wouldn't let FABNephew through because it was 21-and-up only. By order of the NYPD. Now, as much as drinking laws are a pain in the ass, yes we understand that, in theory, one should be 21 (or have documentation suggesting as much) to get in. But FAB did not see security/NYPD card a single person in the VIP tent so they couldn't have been that worried about underagers accidentally touching alcohol to their virgin lips. And, well, FABNephew, in addition to not being 21 yet, is also not yet 3 and was in FABBro's arms. I mean, really, how much of an underage drinking risk does an almost 3-year-old really pose? Feh.

*And these two officers happened to be Asian. We're not sure where we're trying to go with that, but I mean TWO Asian cops and a Fat Asian Baby walk into a bar...
**It took FAB until last summer to make the legal change from New York resident to Georgia resident so we think we'll try it out for a while. At least on paper.

In entirely unrelated news, this website that M. just sent us is v. v. cute. And we mean that in the most sickeningly earnest way.