Friday, April 29, 2005

Since the Fat Asian Baby follows her own rules of kashrut, we decided to make ourselves a ham and cheese on matzah sandwich for lunch. There was some concern that when we placed the slice of ham directly on the matzah that there might be an explosion, but lo there was not. And cheese was added. And FAB saw that it was good.

If you can find a ticket, check out the Mars Volta tonight at the Tabernacle.

It seems that during his monologue Tuesday night, Leno name-dropped Mulligan's Bar and Restaurant in Decatur because of its Luther Burger. While sickly fascinated by the notion of the Luther Burger and the equally absurd Hamdog, this may be a gastronomical mountain even FAB is hesitant to scale.

Frank and Two Beans 

Tommy Lee gets more than he bargained for.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

The 20 Happiest and 20 Most Depressed Cities in the US. It seems we've moved from the 11th to the 13th most depressed city in the nation. While we're clearly moving on up in the world, we've half a mind to just pack our bags and relocate to El Paso so we can eat our tacos in self-satisfied peace.

And call us nerdy, but we thought this was pretty cool. And we're not even going to make a woodpecker joke here either.

Funniest Picture of Prince William Ever 

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I believe he's skinned his knees.

Liam Gallagher still a totally amusing wanker.

Ear Notes 

They're three. They're Athenian. They're rockin'. Tonight check out Psychic Hearts at Lenny's.

Oddly enough, a survey commissioned by DODGE TRUCKS found that pretty boys are like so 2004. Apparently 2005 is all about the manly man. Check out the helpful photos and captions the Daily News uses to illustrate this point.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Wait, What? 

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I'm not sure where Trent dug up this My Chemical Romance photo, but surely it begs a caption. Anybody?

It Ain't December Yet 

Tonight check out The Mountain Goats at the Earl. Everybody's doin' it.

Good Doing 

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usThe organizers of the Critical Mass in New York are being sued by the City. They desperately need to raise money in defense of our right to peacefully assemble and ride bikes. If you're interested and able to help out, you can donate here.
If, like FAB, you want to help but don't exactly have wads of cash lying around, but unlike FAB, you're in New York...you can be part of an historical event this Sunday that will result in a $2500 donation to TIME'S UP Bike Legal Defense Fund.
On Sunday the world's largest human peace symbol will be formed at the No Nukes, Antiwar Rally in Central Park at the Hecksher Ballfields, located on the west side of the park between 63rd & 65th Streets. The image will then be photographed by helicopter and satellite. The organizers of the event have offered a generous donation to TIME'S UP! if they can find 50 "Peacemakers" that will help arrange the rally participants into the peace symbol. No peacemaking experience is required. The time is tentatively set for noon - 2:30 on Sunday.
For more information about Critical Mass, donating to their defense fund, or the rally on Sunday, email Leah.

It seems Posh Spice has finally mastered comic irony declaring "Me and David and our darling boys are a strong, happy family." Though admittedly FAB supposes it is possible that Vicky's not being funny, she's just gone balls-out batty.

Jennifer Aniston mere inches from completely losing it, and by God do we hope she drops those marbles in public.

In other news, isn't Angelina looking particularly radiant these days?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Ear Notes: ATL 

Check out Kill Gordon at the Loft. Read about Kill Gordon at Kiss Atlanta.

Weird local act the Press is having a CD release party at the Drunken Unicorn with support by the Blue Hour and the boys of Joe's Coffee, Friction Coefficient.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight Stars is headlining a humanitarian benefit at Northsix in Brooklyn. Opening for Stars will be local acts, Kevin Devine, Jeffrey Lewis, and The Fatales. Doors open at 8PM. Show begins at 9PM. $10, advance tickets, $12 at the door. Advance tickets can be purchased at TicketWeb. All proceeds will benefit the Save Darfur Coalition, Human Rights Watch, and Doctors Without Borders. In addition, Dr. Annie Sparrow, Millennium Fellow in Human Rights at Harvard will be speaking on behalf of Human Rights Watch, and Kevin Phelan, Senior Press Officer of Doctors Without Borders will also give a brief talk.

Monday, April 25, 2005


Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Posting may either be light or just especially crappy this week because it turns out graduate school professors have expectations. And they all want them fulfilled. At the same time. Namely this week. And while I normally ignore their piddling requests, it has come to my attention that it could be in my best interest to play along just this once. In addition, I am forced to subsist on small sheets of cardboard masquerading as foodstuffs and, against my better judgment, cruelly deny myself the life-sustaining elixir that is beer. UNTIL SUNDAY. Adding to my psychic pain will be the midweek transition into yet another year of life. So rather than resting happily yet inexplicably on a matzoh pillow (MATZOH PILLOW?), FAB will most likely be curled up on the floor in the fetal position drooling onto a pile of miscellaneous papers. (photo via withlime)


"BILL Gates is the richest man in the world — but he's paying a price. After 'a number of threats on his life,' Gates has hired a cadre of bodyguards to protect himself, his wife, Melissa, and their two children, we're told."
Ohh the indignity. Who do you have to screw around here for Page Six to remember your name?

In other news, it seems that being a certified hottie may even help you get a job.

Friday, April 22, 2005


Having had sixteen years to mull it over, a period undoubtedly charactereized by deep soul searching and stark inner reflection, Sean Penn finally realizes that his marriage to Madonna failed due to bad behavior and incompatibility.

Ear Notes 

There's not much going on these days, my friends. All we've got is that Modest Mouse will be at the Fabulous Fox Theatre on Monday, June 13th. Tickets officially go on sale Saturday. Presale tickets are already available here.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Chinese guys just as big as the next guy.
"A group of scientists in Hong Kong spent five months from October last year measuring 148 ethnic Chinese volunteers aged between 23 and 93. The average length of their flaccid penises was 8.46 cm, which compared favourably with similar studies on other men overseas.
Germans have average lengths of about 8.6 cm, Israelis 8.3 cm, Turks 7.8 cm and Filippinos 7.35 cm. Italians were the longest at 9 cm and Americans averaged 8.8 cm.
The study did not measure the penises when they were erect."

FAB's just relieved that there are people out there still interested in the pure joy of scientific inquiry. Fantastic.

Dreaming of joining an indie rock band but don't want to deal with the hassle of starting from rock bottom, carving out your own style and earning a reputation? Asobi Seksu needs a drummer. (via coolfer)

Like many a lost soul sinking into the pit of darkness and superficial despair that is Hollywood, Russell Crowe narrowly escaped the evil clutches of Scientology. And, uh, did anybody else notice that Mr. Crowe, like, released an album or something this week? Of music apparently.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

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Natasha Lyonne's awesome journey from nice Jewish girl to Hollywood starlet to absolutely foul, strung out basketcase. Actually, we're quite fond of our fellow tribe member and hope that she gets her shit back together soon.

In other exciting news, FAB was pleased to learn of the results of the CDC's just pulished study of obesity that fat is the new healthy. So says the New York Times: "People who are overweight but not obese have a lower risk of death than those of normal weight."

Bennifer Part II. Yawn.

We just noticed on Metroblogging Atlanta that the Atlanta Biennial began last weekend and will be running till June 4th at the Atlanta Contemporary Arts Center. If you think aesthetics were so totally like 19th century and stuff, FAB bets it's worth checking out since it purports to be just like the Whitney Biennial except all Southern and shit. And we know that means cheaper.

On a related note but otherwise completely unrelated, Art Papers and the High Museum of Art are hosting Stan Douglas in a talk and presentation about, um, Stan Douglas. Wednesday at 7pm. Free and open to the public.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

And They Think Naomi's Pissed About This... 

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Today we officialy announce that Michelle Williams, aka Jen of Dawson's Creek fame, is our new arch enemy. Honestly, we cannot understand how such a dough-faced C-list actress (though we will admit the Station Agent was quite a good flick) could possibly be the source of Conor Oberst's heartache AND the carrier of Heath Ledger's love child. So maybe we have the maturity level of a 12 year old girl, but this is simply unacceptable.

Your internet connection goes down for a few hours and the next thing you know they've done elected a brand new Pope. Jesus.
Speaking of which, until quite recently, the Fat Asian Baby, in extraordinary ignorance of all things Christian, thought the Pope was supposed to be like related to God somehow, kinda like the new Jesus or something. So I never really understood the whole papal election process unless it was something akin to the way they identify the new Dalai Lama. But then again we were pretty sure the Catholics weren't all up into the reincarnation diddy, so we were frankly baffled. But after the spate of Pope-related news surrounding John Paul II's death, it's all starting to make sense now. I mean, inasmuch as grown men dressed in red velvet capes and yamulkes hiding out in a secret lair to discuss TOP SECRET THINGS for days on end only to be freed again by sending off color coded smoke signals into the sky can possibly make a lot of sense.

On a tangentially related topic, FAB went to pick up some much-needed items at Kroger yesterday. And by much needed, we mean seltzer, tomato sauce, ham, cheese, fake crab meat, and matzah. Fortunately this is Georgia so nobody thought it was the least bit weird when we piled the ham and package of shellfish-related product on top of the box of matzah at the checkout counter.

Monday, April 18, 2005

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Kate Moss Love Interest, Strung-out Rehab Failure, All-around Fun Guy, Pete Doherty, admits that in addition to being a musician and drug dealer, he also used to be a gay prostitute who tied up and robbed one of his Johns. Sweet.

Holy Shit! 

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Paula Radcliffe begins running London marathon, gets stomach cramps, squats down and takes dump beside the road at the 22nd mile mark, pulls pants up, scampers off to win London marathon.

Not to be confused with the perpetually constipated Dooce.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Ok ok so we know this is sooo like three days ago, but we're finally just getting our act together, and quite frankly, it's still funny:

You might be an indie-yuppie if...

The Fiery Furnaces may or may not be performing somewhere at Emory tonight. McDonough Field perhaps?

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Nicolas Cage's wife doing a better job at being Asian than FAB ever will. I guess we just need to start brushing up on our repertoire of adoring gazes and furtive glances. (pic via Britpoppa)

News Flashes from Page Six 

Lizzie Grubman not just a heavy-footed, over-dyed, leather-skinned, elitist bitch but also a two-faced conniving homewrecker. Pretty sweet, huh?

NY Observer film critic Rex Reed completely disgusting, not very original, kind of an asshole, and well, hates Korean, French, Japanese, and Mexican food

UPDATE: So apparently the source article was all satire, except for the part where he insulted kimchee. That really happened. Dick.

The Kills=Hot Shit 

They sure make a big sound for only two people. And sure they may be derivative but that doesn't mean they don't sound pretty fucking good anyway.
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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usThis week's Creative Loafing is all about music. Check out their guide to interesting and weird musical landmarks of the Southeast. They also point us in the direction of the region's most "buzz-worthy acts...deserving of a fresh look and listen," including several Atlanta-based musicians.

Tonight Yeah Yeah Yeahs sound-alikes, The Kills, will be at the Earl.

A Strange Night Indeed 

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usSam Beam put on a great show last night, as expected. I've officially heard the Trapeze Swinger live so I can probably just lie down and die now. We're pretty sure it wasn't a full moon last night so maybe it was just Sam's absurdly peaceful demeanor or just the eerie quiet in the Playhouse, but last night seemed to bring out all the weirdos.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.usFirst there was this guy in obnoxious green paisley shirt, who told me he loved me, then told my friend she was the love of his life, then proceeded to make weird fish faces and gaze strickenly at people for the rest of the show. For the record, FAB is sure that E is great and all, but for Iron and Wine? E? Really? And then there was the girl hooting and hollering behind us who seemed to be at an entirely different show altogether. And well, then these three women who defy explanation. I can't even begin to descrbe what they were doing, but, well, suffice it to say it baffled the mind.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Wine on Steroids 

Apparently California wines are stronger now then ever. As far as the Fat Asian Baby is concerned, this just means more bang for your buck. We get to get all swilly while still looking sophisticated or something. Party on.

Ear Candy 

Tonight you have lots of options for your listening pleasure:
FAB will be at the Iron and Wine show at the Variety Playhouse in L5P thanks to FABBro.
Kaki King will be doing sick shit with her guitar at the Red Light Cafe.
And local boys the Booze will be at the Earl.

Take your pick.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

In what will obviously prove to be the most earth-shattering news announcement of the year, Britney admits on her website that she and her studmuffin husband K-Feds are officially with child.
Stereogum has some altogether frightening computer morphed pictures of potential Spederline offspring from Star magazine.


Apparently, things actually are as they seem. A new survey found that 67 per cent of Californians referred to friends as "dude", while 63 per cent said they had hugged a tree.

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As you may have noticed by now, FAB has the maturity level of an adolescent boy, so we were particularly pleased to see this story on "unintentially sexual comic book covers" on Cityrag.

Orlando to put his beard back on for another go around? FAB wonder if this means she'll start eating again.

Speaking of which, says Karl Lagerfeld: "fashion is the healthiest motivation for losing weight." How true, Karl, how true. Would that FAB could only be more like you, you fashion goddess.

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Hold on to your hats, kids, there may finally be a panda shaped bun in the oven.

More on Mei Xiang's efforts to get knocked up including live Pandacam.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Weekend Update 

The Bravery vs. the Killers smackdown finally reaches Page Six. So it was like this: apparently Brandon was all Sam and his friends are such posers. Then someone else called Sam's band a prefab boy band. But Sam was all Brandon's just jealous cause his band is the new "It" band. But all the cool kids are like starting to get tired of them and stuff cause they're so popular. And Sam feels all bad talking trash about Brandon " because it's like hitting a girl. It's like picking on a kid in a wheelchair because he has no personality and no sense of humor at all." Ahem, did we not see this coming from a mile away? And speaking of hitting girls and picking on kids in wheelchairs... Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Get out your mumus and Mad Dog, folks, trailer parks are the new choice lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Christopher Guest mockumentary style no longer funny, or at least, so he says.

Mets finally win a game.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Ear Notes Addendum 

We forgot to mention that tomorrow night local bands The Liverhearts, Snowden, and Sleep Therapy will be having some sort of CD release group hoody-ha going down at the Drunken Unicorn.

Also, Lenny "I have a nice fucking bathroom or bathroom for fucking" Kravitz and Nikka Costa will be at the Tabernacle (cough cough).

Ear Notes 

Tonight check out Asobi Seksu at the Earl.

Going On Sale Today:
The aforementioned crazy Gallagher boys aka Oasis at the HiFi Buys Amphitheatre on Tue, 09/27/05.

Spoon with the Clientele at the Variety Playhouse on Wed, 06/01/05.

Rilo Kiley also at the Variety Playhouse on Sun, 06/05/05.

And On Sale Tomorrow:
Snoop Dogg at Atlanta Civic Center on Tue, 05/10/05.

James Taylor at Chastain Park Amphitheatre on Tue, 08/16/05.

FAB Hand, 1:42am 

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Thursday, April 07, 2005

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At first we thought this was simply an unremarkable snapshot of one of thousands of random frumsters walking home from shopping through the Upper West Side. But lo, it surely is not. WTF is going on here? Has Julia jumped on the Jew fashion bandwagon or something?

Tonight Athens band Of Montreal will be mixing it up at the Drunken Unicorn but unfortunately without the help of A Fir-Ju Well.
Creative Loafing on Of Montreal.
Kiss Atlanta on Of Montreal.

Sweet Jesus 

Thanks to B. for notifying me that Jesus has indeed overhauled his date solicitation site to include blogged annotations on life, and most recently, the death of JPII.

And if you're feeling not so fresh lately, you too can smell like Jesus.

Mend It Like Beckham 

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Check out this year's "most in-demand celebrity plastic surgery package" for expectant mothers (via Popbitch):
First off, the celebrity mother gets her silicone breast implants removed early in her pregnancy to prevent stretching, then when the baby is born (usually whipped out by caesarean at eight months to prevent the mother having to get too fat) new implants are put back, liposuction is done on the arse and thighs plus a full tummy tuck to get rid of all signs of pregnancy. The new mother keeps hidden from the public for about ten days while everything heals - which, of course, is not suspicious, as she's just given birth.

Many private hospitals around the world now offer this as part of the birth package.
Nursing staff at London's celebrity-friendly Portland Hospital have an unofficial name for the package which honours, they claim, one of its earliest adopters.

We've always known diet and exercise are for chumps.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usNo, that emergency Spears family meeting you saw was not about BritBrit and Kev's deteriorating marriage and impending arrival of love child. It was about Britney's concerns that Bit Bit and Porkchop were engaged in an incestual relationship. Duh.

Tonight M. Ward comes to the Earl.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Apparently while we were busy playing free cell, our old most boringest stomping grounds became cool and then uncool again. Go figure. FAB is still bewildered trying to figure out how the UES was ever confused for cool...unless of course aging frat boys, tiny dogs taking tiny shits, and The Big Easy are actually the new cool.

98 Degrees - NSync Smackdown? Also while we weren't paying attention, politics got even more ridiculouser. Former 98 Degrees bandboy whom we've never heard of is trying to actually become famous by running for mayor of Cincinnati. We can only hope that his opponent will be Mr. Jessica Simpson, who, if we're not mistaken, is also a native son. (via A Socialite's Life).

Speaking of reality tv, it's about fucking time, bitches!

Tickets for Kasabian May 10th at the Loft are on sale now here.

Also, those cranky fuckers also known as the brothers Gallagher are back at it again. Oasis tickets for September 27th at the HiFi Buys Amphitheatre officially go on sale Wednesday, but you can get them here starting today at 8:30am.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Breaking News from the Associated Press 

"APPLETON, Wisconsin (AP) -- Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been stripped of her title because pageant officials say she can stand." Apparently in Wisco, although you can eat fried cheese and bratwurst till you explode, having a degenerative muscular disease and riding around on a scooter simply doesn't cut it on the wheelchair pageant circuit. To wear the state Ms. Wheelchair crown, you gotta be really, really fucking disabled. Full article here. (via Whatevs)

Tori Amos will be at the Woodruff Arts Center tonight.

Did Jude get dumped by the his fake British fashionista fiancee?

You Know You Love It 

The Official Blog of Fetus Spears.

Taking cues from our last president, US teens agree that oral sex isn't really sex. And not only that, but one-third of ninth graders surveyed "said they intended to have oral sex within the next six months and nearly one-fourth planned to have intercourse during the period." How nice for them.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Tonight FAB will be checking out the annoyingly named And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead at the Variety Playhouse.

FAB Faces Ethical Dilemma 

This morning FAB made the happy discovery of a bag of cocaine on the ground outside our apartment building which, naturally, we picked up and pocketed. At first we interpreted this as a gift from God indicating that yay, cocaine is indeed good. Said bag is at least $50 worth of snowy goodness. However, there are only twelve units in our apartment building, only three of which are occupied by people FAB could ever or would ever want to conceive of partaking of the yeo, so now we wonder whether we should try and locate and return it to its proper owner or if it was indeed left there for us by the God of It's-the-freakin-weekend-baby-I'm-about-to-have-me-some-fun.

Chickenman Frank Purdue has flown the earthly coop.

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