Thursday, June 30, 2005

Random Notes 

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Being Bobby Brown premiers tonight. It seems Bobby is eager to step back into the spotlight after he "intentionally cooled his career to spend his time as a hands-on father, just as his own "Pop" was to him growing up." Hands-on. Heh.

Speaking of comebacks, Martin Lawrence is back but this time with "family friendly" fare, whatever that means.

Bennifer v2.0 decides to make it official thereby saving their unborn child from bastardy. Sort of.

If it's good enough for Prince Charles, it's good enough for Paris' third choice.

Justin Timberlake blows chunks in the middle of a restaurant

Not surprisingly, Tom believes in aliens.


Conor Oberst apologizes for being insensitive.

Unicorns v2.0 is called Island.

Pink proposes to her boyfriend at a motorcross event (via Perez).

The Asians are all in a twitch about Norman Mailer.

For some reason, some Christians think Jessica Simpson is doing a shitty job being a Christian role model. Go figure.

The Fat Asian Baby loves brilliant business ideas that serve only to enable antisocial behavior, laziness, and excessive consumption, so we were simply writhing in excitement when we first read about Zifty.com. If you live in one of 16 fortunate Atlanta zip codes, Zifty will deliver food, DVDs, magazines, cigarettes, video games, and God knows what else to you without your ever having to change out of your PJs. Now that's what I'm talking about. (via BGB)

A Little More Sarajevo 

Funniest Thing Ever 

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Asian people caught having sex in cars (via cityrag via CuriousJorge)

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight check out David Byrne at Rumsey Playfield in Central Park.

The Love Scene, Solar Face, Bravo Silva, and Flechette will all be at Pianos tonight.

Death of Fashion will be at Delancey.

Attack Haus will be doing their thing at Arlene's Grocery.

Short Bits 

"The fact that a private moment is being made public is a violation, and we would hope that people would respect her privacy as they would their own."
We're relieved that publicists still have a sense of humor about these sorts of things.

FAB absolutely despises dough-faced Michelle Williams. And how come Heath Ledger is never around whenever we're throwing back at the Sweet and Vicious, huh?

Scientologists are weird.

Ben misses "shrimping" J. Lo's toes.

Apparently Xtina and Britney aren't actually BFF
. In other news, we never thought we'd live to see Miss Aguilera appear relatively classy.

Perhaps We Have Found Our Soul Mate 

"You need fat to cook anything on the grill," Mr. Yegen said as he molded the finished mixture around traditional flat metal skewers that were almost an inch wide and two feet long - swordlike compared to the spindly ones used by most Americans, and much better for searing kebabs. "Lean ground meat is a terrible thing," he added.

Now all we need to do is bring him into the Tribe of Israel.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The New York MTA doesn't want you putting your feet up on the seats anymore
. Or drinking. Or sitting on your bike. Or wearing roller blades. Or taking pictures. Or wandering car to car selling candy bars to buy uniforms for your basketball team. So just shut up and ride, asshole.

Korean kids hate Japan (via Thighmaster).

Tits and Bits 

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Avril Lavigne reportedly engaged to the man we have to thank for bringing us the fantastic punk-pop genre.

Atlanta PD thinks it has a brilliant plan to control something they call "traffic flow" when Ikea opens next Wednesday. Lt. Crowder has been busy observing lots of footage on previous openings and doesn't expect traffic to be a nightmare. As opposed to every other day in Atlanta.

Cojo actually undergoes medically necessary surgery.

Are things already in the works for the hottest spawn ever?

It must be love cause she certainly doesn't need the money. Samantha Boardman joins the Tribe just to marry some real estate guy.

Croatia's Goran Visnjic may be the next James Bond.

Elizabeth Hurley sucks Hugh Grant's, uh, finger. Gross.

Ear Notes: NYC 

The Roots, De La Soul, and MF Doom will be at the Rumsey Playfield tonight.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Check out the Spinto Band with Tayl and Bikini Car Wash tonight at the 10 High.

Also, Comets on Fire will be at the Earl.

Monday, June 27, 2005

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Jennifer Aniston denies she's slumming it with Vince Vaughn. Yeah.

Postal workers in South Carolina totally baffled and alarmed by vibrating package. Call in bomb squad, FBI, EMTs, fire department. Turns out to be "a novelty gift."

After having inexplicably conquered the Great Hohan, Mandy Moore, and a whole host of other hot teenage stars, the inexplicably famous Wilmer Valderrama tries to convince full grown adults that he's cool enough.

Pete Doherty, apparently not having much luck laying off the junk, squeals like a gleeful little girl as he pretend marries Kate Moss at Glastonbury. Umm...you guys are weird.

Hey guys, Elle Macpherson is back on the market.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Head Automatica, Nightmare of You, and the Fury will be at Bowery Ballroom.

Billy Corgan will be at Webster Hall.

Robert Plant
will be at the Beacon Theater.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Old school gay mecca Backstreet is set to become yet another high rise condo in Midtown.

In Brief 

Sir Wacko actually deluded enough to think the Queen was batty enough to sell him Knighthood.

Russian soldiers take it upon themselves to requisition an armored vehicle to run to the store and stock up on vodka. The drive back did not go smoothly.

Tom is scheming to use Katie as a vessel with which to spawn more Scientologists.

Morning-After Pill available OTC in New York.

The new and drunk Charlotte Church kicks her ex's ass. In other news, Charlotte Church?

Martha Stewart the Musical?

Ear Notes: ATL 

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Something muy exciting called Corndogorama seems to be going on at the Earl for the next three evenings. The Fat Asian Baby is probably the only Atlantan who has no idea what Corndogorama actually entails. We can only assume that this will be some sort of orgy involving meat on sticks, good music, and cheap beer - all of which we most wholeheartedly endorse.

Later tonight, those crazy kids that bring you the weekly debauchery of the Decatur Social Club are upping the ante with some sort of after-after-party.

Ear Notes: NYC 

The Get Up Kids, French Kicks, and Bella Lea will be at Webster Hall tonight.

Stars will be at Maxwells in, um, Hoboken.

Eisley will be at the Bowery Ballroom.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

UES to Be Reborn as the LES? 

For some reason people keep insisting that FAB's old neighborhood is the new cool. We spent two years in our tiny but lovely apartment, and we swear by the God of bacon-eating Jews, the UES may be a lot of things, like surprisingly affordable, but it is certainly not "ahead of the curve."

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In the event that one might accidentally, um, spill an entire water bottle on one's mp3 player thereby rendering it quite angry and unable to perform vital functions such as, you know, like playing music or something thus forcing you back to the Apple store proclaiming ignorance as to why your beloved iPod mysteriously just "stopped working" all of a sudden, those clever Koreans have come up with a shockproof and waterproof mp3 player. (via Gizmodo)

*FAB enjoyed the comment banter on the Telecoms Korea product web page all of which concerned the "freaking hot Korean chick" and only a few of which ostensibly even mentioned the mp3 player in question. Perhaps we should consider a career as a fancy electronics model so we can have our pick of fetishizing gadget geeks.

Some Guy Actually Able to Buy Something With Funny Money 

"I tore a corner off, saw it was Confederate money, and needless to say I was quite excited...Even though it's not good money, when you open the briefcase and see stacks and stacks of it, it still gets you right here."


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Esther thinks Kabbalah's marketing scheme sucks. In other news, Kabbalah is marketing itself.

There's no escaping. Even your individual brain cells know Lindsay Lohan. But even Disney thinks her singing sucks.

Just in case you didn't hear them the first five times, Bam and Jessica Simpson want you to know that they really didn't do It. They swear.

Even Katie's parents think Tom is a freak.

Hermes finally realizes they fucked up, but in typically French style, don't really think it's their fault.

Backstreet's back. Alright.

Ear Notes: Sarajevo 

The man of many hats, Jamiroquai, will be at Skenderija tonight.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Sleater-Kinney is at Roseland tonight.

Rainer Maria will be at Northsix in Brooklyn.

Comets on Fire will be at the Bowery Ballroom.

and the New Pornographers are still in Hoboken for some reason.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

This Can Only Spell the Coming of the Apocalypse 

Georgia prepares to secede from the south and officially ban smoking in most public places.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah gets a mention on Page Six. And apparently Adam Duritz eats his leafy greens.

Pitchfork joins in on the collective cyber-handjob and gives Clap Your Hands a 9.0.

Kate Moss almost starts a catfight over her drugged out lover bitch at Sadie Frost's birthday party.

The public at large doesn't think Live 8 will do shit towards alleviating African poverty since it's obviously Africa's own damn fault that it's so poor. We just want to hear the Spice Girls.

Bruce Willis is spreading the love, so to speak, and everybody knows it.

It's Not Quite Pemaquid 

This is the second summer in a row that FAB will not be trekking up to Maine at the end of the summer. We hope that we will at least be able to stop by Black Pearl for a lobster roll. And steamers. And beer. Mmm beer.

Ear Notes: NYC 

If, for some reason, you missed them Monday night at the Knitting Factory, you have another chance to check out Ghostland Observatory tonight at Ace of Clubs.

If you're willing to cross the river into the wilderness, the New Pornographers will be at Maxwell's in Hoboken.

Oasis is at MSG. Good luck with that.

Ear Notes: ATL 

The internets are abuzz with talk of Billy Corgan and the reformation, reunion, whathaveyou of the Smashing Pumpkins. See the man himself at Earthlink Live tonight.

I Almost Saw God in the Metro will be at the Drunken Unicorn.

Crap. It seems that FAB's ginormous, money-grubbing, slutbag doppelganger Kimora has her own blog too. Now it seems FAB's got nothing on her. Feh.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Ear Notes: ATL 

New Yorkers Gang Gang Dance will be at the Drunken Unicorn tonight.

Ear Notes: NYC 

It's not the end of the road, but since we were eleven years old in 1991, we feel we should point out that for some reason, Boyz II Men will be at the Apollo Theater tonight.

Also, the Beatings will be at the Mercury Lounge.

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Having moved on from Aaron Carter, LL appears to now be dating raunchy Elefant frontman Diego Garcia. FAB wonders if Diego knows about this.

Apparently Scary Spice is all that's standing in the way of "one of the biggest reunions in pop history" at Live 8. The Sex Pistols, however, are having no such diva drama.

Karl Mueller, the bassist for Soul Asylum, died of cancer on Friday.

Prime witness in Notorious BIG civil case suddenly experiencing memory loss.

Even though she's filthy rich and probably underfed, Mohamed al-Fayed's daughter Camilla still wants to be Anna Wintour's roadkill. FAB wonders how long this arrangement can possibly last.

Hype Hype 

If you weren't there, don't blame me. I told you it was gonna be a good show.

Monday, June 20, 2005

In last week's Hottest Bachelors 2005 issue, People magazine bewilderingly named Jason Mulgrew as the hottest bachelor blogger. FAB promised herself and possibly Jason himself that she would never blog about an amusing incident in her New York apartment last year*. But suffice to say that it was amusing. And FAB can now chuckle in the self-absorbed knowledge that she caused a People magazine "Hottest Bachelor" to grovel at her doorstep.

*Though we don't feel too badly since Jason doesn't deign to read our blog and daily causes himself far more embarrassment on his own. Besides, I might gift him with Bosnian meat product upon my return, and that should certainly more than make up for any implied public disclosures.

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Spark Fun introduces the retro rotary cell phone. Although the rotary phone surely isn't hands free, FAB can just imagine how best the Prius would look with a rotary phone on the dash. Besides, if you're going to talk and drive at the same time, there's nothing that says you mean business like chatting it up on an old rotary phone.
Review at MAKEZine (via Gizmodo)

The Tabernacle's Gonna Be Blowin' Up 

On sale now:

Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, Monday, August 1.

Kings of Leon and the Secret Machines, Thursday, August 18.

Keane, Tuesday, September 20.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Modest Mouse will be at the Rumsey Playfield tonight.

The Killers will be playing what will undoubtedly be a sweaty and overcrowded show at Irving Plaza.

FAB recommends Gothamist's Moveable Hype 3.0 show at the Knitting Factory's Main Space featuring Ghostland Observatory, Man in Gray, Catchdubs, and everybody's favorite new bands The Fame and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Tickets are $10.

Paging Moby 

Noel Gallagher blames Eminem for kids' violence. Hmm...where have we heard this before?
And both brothers Gallagher are deathly afraid of going bald. According to Liam, "If I ever went bald, I'd be like, 'I'm a bald c**t now, so who fucking wants it!'" Umm...what?

Britney thinks Disney tunes will ease her labor pains.

Mullets are a go in the German military.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Unironic Irony 

PETA employees charged with animal cruelty. Seriously, folks, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Penis Man, Unveiled, Sort of 

Shortly after moving to Atlanta last August, FAB was warned about "Penis Man" who could invariably be seen around Briarcliff and Ponce de Leon. FAB was offered no discription other than, "oh you'll know him when you see him." Well, we had been here not even a week before we were stopped at the light at that very intersection and were confronted with an older black man in white bicycle shorts and, God help us, the largest package we have ever witnessed with our own two eyes. Naturally, while FAB's new friends looked on with horror, FAB smiled and waved. Over time, we got used to Penis Man and almost came to see him as one of Atlanta's more intriguing celebrity personalities. But we never got over our wonder at that very first glimpse. Just what the hell is going on down there and why is he always wearing those white spandex?

Well, judging from the following threads on Craigslist, it seems we're not the only ones who've taken notice:

Briarcliff Rd. and Ponce de Leon--ALL THE TIME

big package--moreland and briarcliff

Briarcliff Pimp

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight the Velvet Underground at the Hard Rock Cafe is featuring some kind of "All-Star Nights Super Groups Tribute." We're not too sure what this means except that local bands including the Julia Dream and Snowden will be performing covers of U2, the Rolling Stones, and the Beatles as part of some sort of benefit. More information here.

Afterwards, dance your pants off at the Decatur Social Club's one year anniversary at Azul on the Square in downtown Decatur.

Saturday night, don't miss the Dears and Shout Out Louds at the Earl.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Jonathan Richman will be at Northsix in Brooklyn tonight and Saturday night.

From the Desk of Captain Obvious 

According to a new US government survey, people who live in college towns smoke more pot than those who don't.

The geniuses at Princeton have discovered that if you're an ex-con and you need a job, it's better to be a white guy than a black dude.

Oh, and Bush may have, like, misled us about the whole Iraq thing after all. Quite frankly, we're outraged. Outraged.

Bits and Pieces 

Attention deficient freak Tom Cruise displays remarkable originality and proposes to his puppet under the Eiffel Tower.

In a nod to his Southern heritage, Matthew McConaughey decides to whisk lady love Penelope away on a romantic vacation in his RV.

Show us the light. Please.
From Page Six:
WHICH top leading man interviewed three different starlets for the job of girlfriend/future wife before picking his new beloved? "Mark my words: They'll have a baby," said our source. "Maybe he or she will be conceived in a petri dish, but they'll procreate" . . .

WHICH teen terror has herpes? The starlet was diagnosed with the "social disease" recently after fooling around with several high-profile studs, who might have it now too . . .

And from Popbitch:
Which golden celebrity couple is being torn apart by both partners' love of cocaine? His career choices are getting affected by it and, funnily enough, it hasn't helped cure her post-natal depression.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

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In keeping with the aforementioned proliferation of tasty sounding skin products, it seems the newest trend in skincare is to make like fondue and slather oneself in chocolate. Sadly, no word yet on whether having someone sexy lick it off you enhances its healthful effects.

FAB Glows With Pride 

This morning, I received the following email from Shlong:

dangerous amounts of beer, chips, and cheese are being
consumed. every time jason
[Shlong's skinny gay roommate FAB met during Chicago excursion. We're actively trying to bulk him up with beer and cheese.] is served something with melted cheese, he mentions you.
why oh why are you not here in mexico with us?

Clearly, my work here is done.

Get Off the Phone and Drive, Asshole 

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usThe Atlanta City Council is set to debate restricting Atlantans' favorite passtime, yakking while driving. The City Council is considering legislation that would require drivers to use hands-free technology if they want to talk and drive at the same time. Because we hail from a land that outlawed talking and driving years ago, FAB thinks this legislation is not a bad idea at all, but we're not too sure how well native Atlantans will take to it.


Ally McBeal to play Indiana Jones' new girlfriend in version IV. How clever. Really.

Undercover reporting raises concerns about Prince Harry's safety with fake bomb scare incident cause, um, what would the world do without Prince Harry?

Everyone can take a deep breath and relax. Nicole Kidman isn't getting any after all. It was just her driver.

Speaking of getting some, Billy Bob warns Angelina isn't all that in the sack and weirdly compares the experience to getting it on with a pull-out couch. Somehow, we're skeptical.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight, the Indigo Girls will be bringing Southern (lesbian) hospitality to Roseland.

Iron and Wine will be at Webster Hall tonight and tomorrow.

Likewise, the National will headlining at the Mercury Lounge both tonight and tomorrow.

Verily, We Have No Soul 

We fully acknowledge that we would probably be horrified if someone stripped us down and painted us green, but we just can't stop chuckling to ourselves about this story:

"A BULLY was jailed yesterday for 27 MONTHS — for painting a pal green so he looked like Shrek.

Sick prankster Kieran Jackson, 20, turned terrified Ernest Hothersall into the movie ogre after a booze binge.

He punched his victim twice and ordered him to strip naked. Jackson shaved Ernest’s head and chest with electric clippers, then slapped paint on his head, arms, torso — and even his manhood...Ernest fled to the town centre in just his trousers and was taken to hospital. But staff were unable to remove the paint."

I mean really, it has all the elements of comedy. Drunk British adolescent boys, nudity, green paint, and ogres. What more do you want from life?

A Room with a View 

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

It seems the good people of New York think it's too hot out. We will admit that standing in an oven desperately hoping for the moist breeze of an arriving train while dressed for work is probably one of the most unpleasant experiences known to man, 90 degrees isn't really all that hot, fuckers*. So quit yer whining.

*New York public school students excluded. FAB remembers how awful it was to sit in an un-airconditioned classroom all day long through the end of June, pitifully waving a fan made of looseleaf paper.

Peasant is the New Chic 

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Apparently having tired of the utter banality of heirloom tomatoes and fiddlehead ferns, New Yorkers start munching on baby goats. Mmm goatburgers.

The World in Briefs 

Russian village cooks a big ass omelette using 11,000 eggs to kick some Hungarian village's world record with their wimpy 5,000 egg omelette.

Crazy robot Tom Cruise hires a minion to follow Katie Holmes around everywhere she goes in order to "keep Katie on the path." Right dude.

The Sun has breaking news: according to doctors, smoking, drinking, and overeating are, like, bad for you or something.

And if, for some reason, you want to take a diet tip from Mama Spears, you should be drinking cranberry juice with that vodka, not Red Bull. Cranberry juice totally helps with UTI's y'all.

Pete Doherty is so totally Kate Moss's bitch.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Rufus Wainwright will be doing that whole sensitive gay musician thing in the Atlanta Botanical Gardens tonight. Tickets are $31 for regular folk and $27 for Garden members.

If that's out of your budget, local band the Liverhearts will be rockin' the Earl.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight, if you don't already have tickets to hear the Bennetton of the music world, Bloc Party, at their second Webster Hall show (or you had enough last night), everybody's new favorite Aussies, Youth Group, will be at the Mercury Lounge playing the last of their three NY shows tonight at 9:30.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usComing as a shock to, well, no one in particular, diva-princess Liam Gallagher storms off stage in the middle of a show. According to Noel, the two are no longer on speaking terms...which is convenient enough considering they're in the middle of, like, a tour or something.

Graffiti Seen at a Post Office in Sarajevo: 



Sigur Ros just announced their fall North American tour. Guess what their first stop will be.

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. 

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"They tack Ronald Reagan calendars on their cubicle walls and devote brown bag lunches to the free market theories of Friedrich von Hayek." The summer interns of the Heritage Foundation have arrived and are ready to take over.

The New York Post uses the word scrotum in association with Ben Affleck. FAB promptly vomits on keyboard.

Rabid music fans set some sort of world record by sending 2 MILLION text messages in search of Live 8 tickets.

Let the Countdown Begin 

In two years, Paris is determined to retire from, uh, being Paris. That is, if we don't stop giving a shit before then.

Jacko found not guilty yet again. Yawn.

Monday, June 13, 2005


"This is indeed a sad day in the world of Jewish parody rap." 2,000 late to the party, 50 Shekel jumps on the Jesus bandwagon.

New York still suffering from the delusion that it wants the 2012 Olympics, but at least the Mets get a new stadium out of the deal.

Scarlett Johansson wants to do it in the backseat of a car.

Madonna explains to the world that sometimes she "was being overtly sexual for the sake of showing off." Fortunately, those days over, and now she can devote herself fulltime to sprinkling herself with Kabbalah water and telling small children to shut the fuck up and listen to her undoubtedly riveting story.

I Hear it Rained 

The Music Midtown and Vibe Musicfest postgame wrap-ups courtesy of Access Atlanta.
FAB hates missing a party and hates even more looking at pictures from the party. Meh.

And if you aren't all musicked out by now, don't forget Modest Mouse and Camper Van Beethoven will be at the Fabulous Fox Theater tonight.

Yes, I am a 13 year old girl 

A bitter and jealous 13 year old girl who wonders why she can't do things with Paul Banks too. Aiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

"She is the UGLIEST BITCH I have EVER seen!" 

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In other news, it seems FAB's richer, poutier, trashier, infinitely more pampered, and infinitely more massive doppelganger Kimora is going to pen the next great American novel. Oh wait, no, it's some sort of guide on how to live and look like trash on an absurdly high budget.

Friday, June 10, 2005

No Comment 

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Last weekend, NPR's Liane Hansen interviewed Athens band Of Montreal. You can listen to the interview here. (via the Day Jobs)

Brought to you by the State of Ohio 

Some guy charged with DUI after riding his lawn mower to Kroger to satiate 3am munchies.

Jack, We Hardly Knew You 

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So it's taken us a few days to process this picture which was first brought to our attention courtesy of the Fug girls. This ain't no photoshop wizardry.
And quite frankly, we're still rather awestruck at the transformation.


Is she or isn't she?

Whenever, Wherever, Whatever 

FAB has been dying to know where Shakira's been these past few years. Naturally. I'm sure you have too. Umm, so the Colombian/Lebanese export has not only been busy scratching her belly or something like that, but she also popped out some twins while the world was too busy not really giving a shit.

This just in: Robbie Williams is NOT GAY. I repeat, NOT GAY at all.

Blur's Damon Albarn thinks Live 8 is a crock of shit.
Thom Yorke might too.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

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Hell, if Christian Bale wants more sex scenes for Batman, far be it from us to hold him back. (pic via Pink)

"No short skirts, no midriff and I won't expose too much chest and leg at the same time," says some New Zealandish singer named Natasha Bedingfield. Natty here flatly refuses "to strip to sell records" like "rivals" Britney and Xtina. Um, well she's clearly doing a bang-up job at that.

The New York Times' resident retard, David Brooks, has seen the truth and would now like us all to repeat after him: "all that nonsense" about abstinence versus condoms and US versus multilateral aid "is irrelevant on the ground" and that everything is just peachy in Africa thanks to PEPFAR. Righto, Davido.

This is even more insulting coming a day after this.

Rock on 

Ok so Montenegro looks like a no go. But in better news, we've just discovered JewsRock, "a non-profit group devoted to illuminating the intersection of rock and roll and Jewish culture. We've heard a lot about what the Jews have contributed to science, literature, the fine arts--all the high brow stuff. Well, we're going low." (via the Thighmaster)

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

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Well, we're off to Montenegro for a few days. We'll let you know if we see any frogs falling from the sky when we get back.

Ear Notes: Hey Jealousy 

For those of you going to Atlanta's Music Midtown and Afterparty at the Masquerade this weekend, it's not that I'm the least bit jealous, it's simply that I've always hated you.

The Siren Festival lineup is almost complete and looking quite tasty, I might add. Of course, FAB will be missing that one too. Meh.

Oh the Imagery 

FAB hearts Craigslist.
"There must be a 2 inch erect penis limitation for male republicans. The Asians under attack by Oprah can take comfort in the fact most white, sister fucking republican men are pissing out of what amounts to a child's pinkie toe..."

While we have no experience in this particular department, we sure did chuckle while reading the rest of this rant.

We could cut glass with these here nipples 

We are most cranky and displeased about this.
And a big, hearty FU to everyone who told me that Bosnia is ungodly hot during the summer prompting me to leave all sweatshirt/sweater/warm clothing at home. Word on the street is that it's snowing in the areas outside of Sarajevo. SNOWING.

In Briefs 

As if the addiction wasn't bad enough as it is, United Airlines to begin offering Wireless Internet access on domestic flights.

Mrs. Robinson has left and gone away.

Oooohboy is Chris Hanley ever in trouble now! He's really let the cat out of the bag this time. It seems that over in Hollywood, actresses will spread 'em for directors or producers in exchange for being cast in their films. Quite frankly, we're shocked and appalled.

Brad gets Angelina to play house with him in the new W.

The Fat Asian Baby wants barbecue. Mmm sweet sweet barbecue...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Verily, if we had any money, this is what we'd be getting everyone for Hannukah.
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And while we're on the subject, Bloombie does something useful.

Even Bono's father thinks he's a pretentious little bugger. Though apparently he's quite proud anyway.
Not surprisingly, Liam Gallagher still thinks he's an absolute wanker.

Ashlee acts all tough or something. Oh wait, no, it was Jessica, who miraculously constructs a more or less coherent sentence.

It seems that over in New Zealand, it is not okay to coerce a prisoner into shoving a sausage up his butt as a practical joke. Because it really isn't very funny at all.

Michelle "Doughface" Williams apparently still preggoriffic with Heath Ledger's baby. Go figure.

Fetus Spears is girl, not yet a woman.


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A few other pictures here.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Clearly the world is a cold and broken place... 

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usI have been a resident of Atlanta for almost ten months and just now I am discovering this? Thanks for nothing, assholes, thanks a whole lot! (Paulie, it seems you're my only true friend in the world.)

I'm not sure why I've never taken notice of this before. Famous people. Stuffing their faces. Quite possibly two of my favorite themes together in harmony at last. Or maybe for a while now, but clearly I wasn't paying attention. So sue me if this is so, like, last year or something, but I firmly believe that pictures like these bear repeated finger pointing.

So it seems that, among other things, Sarajevo is devoid of photocopiers with that nifty "collate/staple" function. But I suppose that's why God done gone up and delivered unto them graduate students.

Ya learn something new every day... 

So it turns out Atlanta has, like, actual pedestrians walking on actual sidewalks, at least, according to smartypants. We're still not convinced.

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Shockingly, the man behind Katie's curtain is none other than freaky robot boyfriend extraordinaire Tom Cruise. Is it just FAB or does Katie look drugged?
In other news, Tom really really really wants us to know that Scientology is pretty neat-o, and we should just sit real still and try not to be scared.

In other surprising news, turns out, Nation of Islam bigwigs aren't all that keen on discussing claims that Malcom X was a homo.

Kelly Osbourne keeps it in the family and checks back into rehab.

Friday, June 03, 2005

So we have finally arrived in Sarajevo without much fanfare. Though, by not much fanfare we mean that in the last 24 hours we have nearly tossed our cookies twice, survived a much hated mini-plane (we hate anything that carries fewer than 50 passengers and gives one the impression of impending death with every gentle breeze and then must go into a tight death spiral in order to impersonate something approximating "landing"), dropped our passport in the parking lot of Sarajevo International Airport, driven through Republika Srpska (Over IM, FAB inquired of a Bosnian friend as to the correct pronunciation of Srpska and was summarily informed that Srpska is pronounced just how it looks. Like duh.), crossed into Bosnia, personally witnessed the enthusiastic pop-revival of the mullet, consumed giant beer, ogled a midget consuming a giant beer (do not doubt us, we were quite pleased that we were able to record our first midget-sighting within three hours of arriving in the country. Needless to say, this bodes well for the summer.), guzzled a bottle of Serbian wine, discovered we were no longer in possession of passport, taken a tour of various policija establishments in and around the airport, and, uh, checked our email. Well, that's all folks. Hopefully tonight we will check out the boomin' Sarajevo nightlife and then the real fun will begin.
Ummm yeah.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight the Booze rocks out the 10 High.

Apparently Jack and Renee may be soul mates after all. Or alter egos. Or something. Jack pulls a Renee and randomly marries some chick we didn't even know he was dating. But at least she's a model...which obviously means she's pretty. We'd link to the article if the NYPost weren't trying to pull that silly stunt again forcing us to sign up and publicly admit we read Page Six. As if.

In other news, FAB wonders what sort of yahoos they have running French Vogue over in Paris. In their party pictures they correctly identify their own Lizzie Grubman-esque editrix fifty times but can't seem to get it through their croissant-filled heads that the man's name is P. Diddy now. Not Puff Daddy. And that black guy next to him is not named Simons Russell. Meh.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

And We're Off... 

Fat Asian Baby is off to bigger and sketchier things in the nether-parts of Eastern Europe. We hope to be back online by Friday or Monday. In the meantime, make good use of our friends to the right, and don't do anything dangerous.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight the Futureheads will be doing their thing at the Loft in midtown while Spoon and The Clientele rock out the Variety Playhouse.

You can read Jordan Jeffares' interview with Alasdair MacLean over at Kiss Atlanta.


Hey! Do you remember that band that everybody used to really like called Coldplay? Well apparently they're coming to Phillips Arena on September 28th. Sorry we're a little slow on the uptake, but if tickets are still available, then surely they can be gotten here.

Deep Throat identity revealed at last. [Insert your own dirty joke here].

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