Friday, July 29, 2005

Of Metaphysics and Morals 

Ryan Adams does Bryan Adams. And Ryan Adams on Bryan Adams on Ryan Adams in his Pitchfork interview (3/4 way down).

Nicole Kidman is "friends" with some Australian country singer guy.

Andy Dick gets nasty
. We could make some clever pun here about Dick on dick or something, but quite frankly, we're just not very clever.

"Maybe people are trying to make me look like Naomi Campbell, but I'm not Naomi Campbell, I'm Janice Dickinson. I'm sure there are a lot of really angry ladies there because I do have an amazing body . . . There's a lot of angry, jealous bitches." Yes, Janice. We are all just jealous.

Damon Albarn thinks that Pete Doherty is an overrated publicity-whoring mess. Yeah, I guess that's probably about right.

Tommy Lee is over sex
. It's much more exciting watching his fancyass Japanese fish swim around in circles in his ornamental garden.

Paula Abdul to go down with the ship.

Happy Birthday Wil Wheaton!

The Killers prepare for world domination.

My Chemical Romance to take to the road at last.

Chipper Jones a bit miffed after near castration.

And They Make Pretty Good Pastries Too 

In FAB's book, when it comes to designing home furnishings, textiles, and mundane objects that push the boundaries of aesthetics, form, and function, nobody does it quite like the Danish. If you happen to be in New York City these days and you haven't spontaneously vaporized, check out Verner Panton: The Collected Works at the AXA Gallery. Panton integrated Beat philosophy and a hippy aesthetic with Scandinavian functionalism to all but redefine modernism.

Ear Notes: ATL 

As we mentioned yesterday, Harvey Milk will be at the Earl tonight.

FAB recommends checking out I Almost Saw God in the Metro, Femme Fatality, and the Fleshbots will be at Lenny's.

As always, Preston and the rest of the Decatur Social Club kids will be mixing it up over at Azul in Decatur from 11pm-4am.

Tomorrow night, Downtown Rocks is back again at Underground Atlanta with Ben Folds (9:30), Kasabian (8pm), Red Letter Agent (7pm), and Linger (6:15).

And Sunday night brings the Anger Management Tour with Eminem, 50 Cent, G-Unit, and Lil Jon to the HiFi Buys Amphitheatre.

Advance Ear Notes 

On Sale Today:
The John Mayer Trio at the Tabernacle on Wednesday, September 28th.

Foo Fighters and Weezer at the Gwinnett Arena on Thursday, September 8th.

Particle at the Variety Playhouse on Friday, September 30th.

Dar Williams at the Variety Playhouse on Saturday, October 8th.

On Sale Tomorrow:
Gwen Stefani and the Black Eyed Peas at the Gwinnett Arena on Tuesday, November 8th.

The Allman Brothers Band and Lynyrd Skynyrd at the HiFi Buys Amphitheatre on Saturday, October 1st.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Starting in the afternoon, Oneida with Oxford Collapse, Tall Firs, and Extra Action Marching Band will be at the East River Amphitheater (600 Grand St, across Cherry St pedestrian bridge).

Saturday night FAB recommends checking out the Brian Jonestown Massacre at the Bowery Ballroom.

White Out with Jim O'Rourke and Thurston Moore will be at Tonic.

Duran Duran will be at the PNC Bank Arts Center.

Dave Matthews Band will be at Randall's Island with Robert Randolph and the Family Band, Ray Lamontagne, Jem, and Mike Doughty.

In Which FAB Gets Sentimental for a Moment 

Check out Stuff On My Cat (via Cityrag). It's people who do these kinds of things to their pets that makes the Fat Asian Baby happy to be alive and reasonably sentient. Though we must say that seeing pictures like these and fourfour's chronicles of Winston has been making us rather sad lately that we no longer have a kitty to torment shower with affection.

Fat Korean Baby 

(via Planet Dan via A Socialite's Life)

Thursday, July 28, 2005


Whenever people discover that the Fat Asian Baby was raised entirely in the United States and has never really set foot (walking, that is) on the Korean Peninsula, they inevitably ask whether or not we plan to go back and visit and why we haven't already done so. Aside from an inexplicable love of kimchee and barbecued meat, FAB is a pretty much completely incompetent Korean. We have eagerly pointed out that we feel idiotic enough in the many Korean-run delis, dry cleaners, and nail salons (though admittedly we spend very little time in this last type of establishment) we frequent when the counter person tries to conduct the transaction in Korean. Undoubtedly, a trip to the Motherland itself would only increase the frequency of such exchanges since it seems reasonable to assume that, unlike Manhattan, Westchester, or Atlanta, pretty much every business in Korea is, like, run by Koreans or something. And run by Koreans who pretty much only speak Korean. Anyway, we were interested to discover this site for Anglophone expatriates living in Seoul (via Gridskipper). It turns out that maybe Seoul wouldn't be such a bad place to visit. From what we've gleaned on the few minutes spent browsing Seoul Style, FAB is superior* to everyone else for having been raised abroad, FAB is not only much bigger than everyone else in Korea, but FAB also has have much bigger titties, and uh, whining is an asset. And while FAB is not exactly domestically inclined, there is even a Housewife Help section to help navigate, uh, housewife-related stuff. FAB has not-so-secretly always dreamed of being bigger and better than everyone else, so maybe we should start checking those Atlanta-Seoul flights after all.

*No word on whether this superiority is immediately negated by an inability to communicate orally with anyone.

Pick a Little, Talk a Little 

The Baby Daddy of the Hollywood sex scandal gets a trial delay.

Inspired by Morgan Spurlock's award winning documentary, Whitest Kids bring you Supersize Me (with Whiskey). FAB wants a Jack and Coke. (via Best Week Ever)

We know this isn't exactly an academically rigorous source, but the National Enquirer is reporting that Demi Moore has miscarried in her fifth month of covert pregnancy.

At last, college students have hope for survival in space.

Graydon decides to put pink Barbie doll Paris Hilton on the cover of October's Vanity Fair while bumping Jennifer Aniston up to September. Insert your own joke about cultural relevance [here]. Yawn.

The Butterscotch Stallion Speaks Out: "I don't know if I'm shallow, but you want to make sure that you make the right choice because you know that it's forever and I didn't realise that I have such a strong scientific side that demands that I experiment with and compare women."

Scarlett Johansson Speaks Out: "It's very strange to see my cleavage the size of a brontosaurus. My breasts were huge. I had long hair and my goodness, I couldn't get past the cleavage." Neither could we, dear, neither could we.

Orlando Bloom's Sister Speaks Out: "Of course Sienna and Orlando kissed - they are friends, and he always kisses his friends." Umm, can we be friends, Orlando? Please?
Though according to the kids down under, Kate's back with some Australian model exbf type named Lundi. Lundi? Really?

Jackass Speaks Out: "It's an unfortunate thing because I have a wife and a nine-year-old and that stuff is hard on the family. Luckily, my wife and I have a dialogue and I said, 'Look, people are making these stories up and putting them in the papers.'" I, uh, yeah.

Melanie Griffith still an irrelevent, overstretched, bitchy diva on wheels.

The guy responsible for Christina Aguilera's fashion sense has designed his very own nightclub. Now this should be fun.

Georgia tax holiday starts today. FAB wants a new back-to-school wardrobe and a Trapper Keeper.

Hey former roommate D., shove this up your ass. We told you those stupid horse pills were worthless.

You sure are a perceptive one, Ruth. Looks like cowboy boots are "in" this season, whatever that means.

Famed children's book author and style icon, Madonna, to try her hand at singing.

FAB thinks Tourette's Camp is a pretty sweet reality tv concept.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight FAB recommends checking out Antony and the Johnsons at the Town Hall.

Amon Tobin will be at the World Yacht Marina at 41st Street.

Trick and the Heartstrings and The Fame will be at Pianos.

Israel Vibration will be at BB King Blues Club and Grill.

Chinatown will soon play host to an after-school arts education facility that transforms into a venue for DJs and live performances at night. To break in the location, the Fusicology crew and Miss Nelch are putting on an old-school loft throwdown with Q-Tip, Mark Ronson, and Blu Jemz. Call out your people for a night of soul, funk, disco, and breaks to pay homage to the Universal Zulu Nation. 33 W 19th St, 2nd Fl. $20 at the door / $15 advance (via flavorpill). Click here for more info.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Sooo...if you're starving from lack of aural stimulation, blast your ears out with Light Pupil Dilate, American Heritage, Big Penguin, and Mixel Pixel at the Drunken Unicorn.

Also, the Liverhearts will be at Lenny's.

Remember Harvey Milk? They're back at it at the 40 Watt tonight with Torche and Teenage Meth Lab. (We should probably mention that there's really no reason to haul ass over to Athens because they'll be in town at the Earl tomorrow night)

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Ear Notes: ATL 

If you think FAB's been ignoring Atlanta music fans the past few days, it isn't true. Blame your local booking agents.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, Pt. II 

Kate Moss doesn't seem like she's slumming it either.

Weird pizza-shaped building on Monroe to reopen today as "futuristic hipster hangout Piebar." In other news, the AJC discovers the term "hipster" a week after the LATimes declares hipsters, like, so totally over. Oh wait, no, no I guess that's probably about right.

Did Spencer say something about glass houses? But hey, if he's really "Adonis-like," who can blame her...?

Someone's been touching Karl Rove's weewaw even though she's not legally obliged to do so.

Speaking of fat and greasy, it seems Alec Baldwin still gets laid.

Aren't we tired of these fashion exposee/blogger signs book deal fairytale stories yet?

Someone tell Jessica Alba that she's actually quite a looker.

The Hollywood Sex Tape: Filmdom's fastest-growing genre.

Kelly Osbourne blames her drug problems on her childhood demons and tormentors. Don't we all, sweetheart, don't we all.

Mel C. thinks her music career will suffer due to her severe depression. Paging Tom Cruise. In other news, her music career?

Miami summer campers invited to a "Ghetto Talent Show" and "Watermelon Eating Contest." Black community not so amused.

Renee Zellweger wakes up and realizes she has no idea who that guy is lying next to her.

New Liz Phair, Somebody's Miracle, drops October 4th.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight check out the Fiery Furnaces at Rockefeller Park in Battery Park City.

Portion Control*, DJ Sammy Jo, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah will be at the Mercury Lounge.

The Plus Ones
and Surefire will be at Southpaw in Brooklyn.

Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals will be at Irving Plaza with Tom Freund.

And if you like weird, Jane Siberry and CocoRosie will be at Joe's Pub.

*I know this show is completely sold out, but FAB thinks it's probably worth trying to talk your way in. I'm not saying the Scissor Sisters will definitely be performing, but they've been playing a lot of secret shows at the Mercury Lounge lately, and one of the names they've been playing under is, uh, Portion Control (yes, I know this is a real band), and DJ Sammy Jo is their traveling DJ person, so I'm not promising anything, I'm just sayin' is all...

iTuney News 

So apparently Mike Doughty's cover of King of Carrot Flowers is available on iTunes (via Lindsayism). We listened to the snippet and are not sure what to make of it. As you probably could have guessed, the Fat Asian Baby is pretty partial to the original.

The free single of the week is Annie's Me Plus One (via Spinach Dip).

Let's Talk About Sex 

Creative Ad Design Meets Safe Sex or Former Roommate D.'s Wet Dream: the Coloribus condom gallery (via BoingBoing via Fleshbot). FAB thinks the Trojan man is a little stale so we hope to see fresh and whimsical condom ads pushing the envelope someday soon. Though given the current administration's draconian attitude towards sex education and condom distribution, maybe we're just battling windmills.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

So apparently that former Nazi cum Pope guy is urging Muslims to drop what their doing and "embrace the way of peace." Do you think he is referring, like, to Christianity or something? Fascinating.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do 

The Killers to headline the US's first ever Download Festival in California this fall. Modest Mouse and Arcade Fire are also on board.

Universe goes all wonky resulting in celebrities actually having to pay for stuff.

Apparently Music Industry execs and Top 40 radio stations are like, totally in cahoots with each other. Quite frankly we're shocked and appalled.

So does this mean Kate and Pete are gonna get a "divorce" now?

The nine ugliest rock stars alive?

It seems Natalie enjoys being mistaken for Sinead so much that she might stay bald.

Even Jude's parents think he's being a total dick.
But it looks like Sienna's hardly slumming. (Perez has pics)

Vodafone dumps Becks
. In unrelated news, Becks throws a tantrum.

Beer prices expected to fall in some sort of price war.

Marietta has its very own sex clinic which, FAB is dismayed to learn is not nearly as sexy as it sounds.

Charlotte Church: lingerie model. Umm, is anyone else completely baffled by the world's newfound obsession?

Angelina wants her own Rainbow Coalition. What's next? A war-orphaned Colombian?

Having clearly not gotten God's memo, NASA continues to try and launch manned phallus into space.

The Jews are displeased with Ricky Martin. In other news, if, for some reason, you've been wondering what ever happened to Ricky Martin, he's a humanitarian now, sweetheart.

Dick Wolf to take over the planet. Again.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Ear Notes: ATL 

We haven't got much today, but we do feel obligated to tell you that the Backstreet Boys will be at the Gwinnett Arena tonight because we once* tried to sneak into Bercy to see Britney Spears, not because we were trying to be ironic, but because we were absolutely convinced that if she could meet us, Britney would adore us in much the same way we adore her. Oh yeah, and we were a little drunk.

*And by "once," we mean last summer.

Consumption Issue 

T-Boz and Chilli keep it real at Atlanta's Waffle Houses because "You're not a real Southerner if you don't go to Waffle House."

Kickball is all the rage these days. In other news, does anybody want to start an Atlanta Sloshball League?

FemaleFirst runs picture of Sophie Okonedo in Hotel Rwanda with story about Thandie Newton's fears for her Zimbabwean relatives. FAB supposes that in the world of entertainment news, this is better than running story with a picture of actual Zimbabweans or, uh, Thandie Newton.

Britney wants a huge family but doesn't want to have to get, like, all fat and stuff again, so she and Kevin are planning to adopt some poor kid next time. Maybe they could adopt this neglected child.

In the spirit of HotorNot comes Is You Full Blown White Trash? Or you can just take the quiz. In related news, CNN brings us this touching story about fighting toothlessness in Appalachia.

We have no idea what this is about. We were too distracted by the headline.

Speaking of which, Ingrid Casares is stirring up the pot yet again. Or is she stirring up Eglantina?

Ursula Andress beats out Halle Berry and Angela Jolie as the top beach beauty. In other news, Charlotte Church over Bridget Bardot?

You call this a blind item?

As if we needed further proof that Tom Cruise is a certifiable wack job.

Warm wishes for a full recovery to Kylie.

Craigslist poetry: Your breasts so ample, like giant bloated prunes, swung pendulously in the wind as you attempted to find your keys.

Brandon Flowers takes it all off.

JLo's not the one who ordered all those lillies, scented candles, and high thread count sheets, it was her damn staffers and their outrageous demands.

Mmm Tacos... 

Friday, July 22, 2005

Memo to FAB Coworkers 

We have a very nice, spacious office bathroom by Bosnian standards. This bathroom, because it is a single-server and does not involve stalls is rather conducive to mid-afternoon dump taking. We understand this. We do it too. Because this is Bosnia, this nice, spacious office bathroom, however nice and spacious it may be, is walled in cement and blessed with neither a window nor a fan. So if you take a shit and then close the door, when an innocent victim, say, for example, FAB, opens the door hours later in the hopes of taking a wee piss, she will be punched in the face by your hours-old shit stink. So for the love of God, JUST LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN.

Thank you.

Advance Ear Notes 

The guru of Like No One's Watching recently brought to our attention that Bloc Party will be at the Tabernacle with the Kills on Monday, September 26th. Tickets for that show officially go on sale tomorrow.

Also on sale tomorrow are tickets for Louis XIV at the Roxy on Monday, August 22nd.

In Which FAB Practically Writes a Novel 

Hilary Duff thinks her private life is her own. Foolish child. FAB wonders if this means she wants us to stop talking about her teeth.

Freddie Prinze Jr. stands by his woman. How sweet. And we're totally not being sarcastic. Seriously.

Amanda Peet is engaged to some screenwriter guy.

Courtney Love was rushed to the hospital the other night because she was feeling faint. Now normally we'd make some Lindsay Lohan-related joke about how it can't possibly be from her new diet, but it seems that Court's a bit pissy about the recent media attention surrounding her weight gain since getting clean. And for once we think the lady has a point. So we'll duly shut up now.

In other news, Courtney's a bit miffed that Frances Bean wasn't invited to Sawyer Spielberg's Bar Mitzvah. Apparently* the two are buddies from horseback riding together.

The Frost/Law kids' new nanny is a total dog. Natch.

Miss Seventeen: female high school grads, ages 18-21, in a tricked-out TriBeCa loft. There, besides pillow-fighting and back-stabbing, they will compete for the title of "Miss Seventeen," with the winner earning a college scholarship, a paid internship at the mag and her face on the cover. Brought to you by MTV. Natch. In other news, we do believe Page Six referred to Barnyard grad and fuhrer of Seventeen magazine, Atoosa Rubenstein, as "ravishing."

And again more blog outtery. Didn't anyone tell these ladies that anonymous blogging is, like, so last season?

Speaking of fashionista backstabbery, did you know that Anne Hathaway was cast in the Lauren Weisberger Andrea Sachs role of the film version of Lauren Weisberger's touching literary triumph, The Devil Wears Prada?

Lenny Kravitz wants you to stop smoking around him. "Lenny doesn't like to make a fuss, but his voice is his livelihood and he's prepared to go to any lengths to protect it." Sorry sweetheart.

Joss's junk wasn't good enough for the Gap.

Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor, a nominated councillor in East Africa, has offered 20 head of beef cattle and 40 goats in exchange for Chelsea Clinton's hand in marriage.

*We probably shouldn't mention this because it's totally out of line and he's a really sweet space cadet kid, but we will anyway because we have no tact. We're somewhat familiar with young Spielberg, and let's just say we're highly skeptical about the suggestion that Sawyer could successfully mount a horse long enough to participate in any equestrian related activities. And let's leave it at that, shall we?

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight check out Tiger! Tiger!'s CD release shindig at the Earl with the Clutters and My Siamese Self.

Deerhunter, Tel Aviv, and Telepathy will be tearing up Lenny's.

And if you were too lazy to drag yourself up to Gainesville last week to check out the Modern Society (which no doubt you were), those North Georgia boys will be doing it in town tonight. Moso has been added to the lineup at the Masquerade with Bishop Don, Same Old Story, and Black Light District. We can't really speak for the rest of the lineup, but we're sure the $6 is worth it to check these boys out while they're still local.

Saturday night the Boss will be at Philips Arena. Good luck with that.

Downtown Rocks continues at Underground Atlanta with Heavy Mojo (6:15), Rehab (7pm), and Spoon (8pm). Headlining is some band called Switchfoot (9:30).

If you're not into that, FAB recommends supporting local band Ten Story Relapse at their CD release party at Andrews Upstairs .

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight check out Lightning Bolt and Afrirampo at Tonic. Saturday night they'll be hosted by ToddP.

If you missed M. Ward last night, he'll be across the river tonight at Maxwell's in Hoboken.

And if you missed Coheed and Cambria last night, tonight they'll be at Irving Plaza.

Thursday, July 21, 2005


More bomb related activity in London. Only this time it seems they might just be dummy bombs. Whatever they are, this is really starting to get old, ya know.

Shameless Self Promotion 

So even though we know Fat Asian Baby is not the best Atlanta-based blog by a long shot, you still could, like, vote for FAB in Best Local Blogger category on Creative Loafing's Best of Atlanta 2005*. Voting ends July 22nd. (That's tomorrow, for all you unemployed folk.) To vote, click on the link to the right. Or right here. Ok, now I'm embarrassed, so goodnight.

*As far as we know, you do not have to be from Atlanta to participate.

Ear Noteworthy: ATL 

Wristbands are now on sale for that giant orgy of music executive hell known as the Atlantis Music Conference. A showcase wristband gains access to the AMC+F Opening Party and Red Carpet Limo Roll at club eleven50 on Wednesday, August 10, 2005 as well over 350 artist showcases held in 18 music venues across Atlanta from Thursday, August 11 – Saturday, August 13, 2005.


Did Tommy Lee jump the gun with all his romantic wedding talk? Just ask Pam.

Atlantic Station is set to host some sort of new-fangled digital public art installation. FAB hopes this is better than some of Atlanta's other ideas about public art.

Actually the Jews were there first.

Apparently celebrities really aren't as charming and beautiful as they look. Who knew? Angelina still hot shit.

John Casablancas says that Gisele "is an empty shell, one big void as a person." But she's still hot shit.

For some inexplicable reason, Everybody suddently wants to bone Charlotte Church.

New York City is full of fathers who help themselves to the help.

Grand Rapids doesn't dig the toilet garden.

Michael Jackson: setter of dermatologic trends.

Czech Republic taking steps to legalize oldest profession.

Gucci Mane arrested after an altercation in a Dekalb condo complex.

The New York Times finally realizes that
high concept design is the new sexy

Chris Martin wins PETA's ridiculous World's Sexiest Vegetard competition.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight Erykah Badu, Queen Latifah, Jill Scott, and Floetry will be at Chastain Park Amphitheatre.

Better Than Ezra, Val Emmich, and Bain Mattox will be at the Roxy.

The Hiss, Lion Fever, and Bellmer Dolls will be at the Drunken Unicorn.

Jet By Day, Manchester Orchestra, and Joy in Tomorrow will be at Smith's Olde Bar.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight the Donnas will be rocking out at Pier 54.

The Kaiser Chiefs will be taking care of business over at Webster Hall.

Coheed and Cambria and Panthers will be at the Bowery Ballroom.

FAB recommends checking out M. Ward at Castle Clinton in Battery Park.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

FAB Bounces Off the Walls in Gleeful Anticipation 

There is a low pitched buzz over at Pitchfork today about an alleged upcoming re-release of Neutral Milk Hotel's On Avery Island. The folks over at Fire Records are even mumbling something about live bonus tracks. In addition to being an honorary Athenian, Jeff Mangum happens to be FAB's absolute favorite wacked-out recluse, so we earnestly hope that those fuckers aren't just toying with our all too delicate emotions. Because if they are, verily there will be hell to pay.

Georgia passes important new law to even further decrease voter participation.

Ear Noteworthy: NYC 

This afternoon Chuck Klosterman will be giving a reading from "Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story" about his journey to visit the most famous rock 'n' roll death sites in America. 12:30pm at Colliseum Books, 11 W. 42nd Street.
Brooklyn Vegan on Killing Yourself to Live.

Tonight FAB recommends checking out Keren Ann and Andrew Bird at the Bowery Ballroom.

Everybody's* new favorite band Clap Your Hands Say Yeah will be at Southpaw with Saints and Lovers and Dirty on Purpose.

*Everybody except Spencer, that is.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight Faith Evans will be at Earthlink Live.

Come and Get It 

Jessica Alba says she enjoys casual sex as much as the next guy.

Apparently Scarlett is having a hard time getting over the Big Dick. We understand how it is, sweetheart.

Ja Rule reportedly linked to actual "gangster"-like activity. Fascinating.

You know your iPod wants a Pink Fluffy Muff Dock (via Gizmodo). Snicker.

You know your liver wants MyOpenBar.com. (via ultragrrrl)

Page Six tries to tell us that David Lynch is more eccentric than either Tom Cruise and Madonna. Um, why don't you guys tell us something we don't know?

Is Al Pacino getting it on with Rose McGowan? Ew.

Kurt Cobain thought Dave Grohl sucked as a drummer.

Petra Nemcova to strut the catwalk again
. Only this time she really means it.


President Bush nominates John G. Roberts to the Supreme Court. Let the games begin.

The Washington Post on the new guy.

The NYTimes on the new guy.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Thank Heaven for Little Girls 

Admittedly, we're a little fuzzy on the distinctions between the many Christian denominations so we couldn't even begin to enlighten you on the intricate doctrinal differences between priests and pastors except that we're pretty sure priests are Catholic and pastors are, like, some other kind of Christian. Oh yeah, and apparently pastors prefer little girls.

This Ain't Canada, Buddy 

This reads like some sort of sick joke, but to be perfectly honest, we don't think those Pitchfork people are really all that funny, so we'll take them at their word. And Brooklyn Vegan was briefly abuzz with rumors. I guess the NYPD really did kick the shit out Broken Social Scene producer Dave Newfeld before their Summerstage appearance last week. And we thought they were supposed to be chilling out on the whole drug thing.


Bank of America, MBNA, and Citigroup are scheming together to double the minimum required monthly credit card payment and trying to convince us it's a good thing cause it'll help us pay off our debts faster. Thanks Mom.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Things are looking pretty paltry these days, but if it's still possible, check out Duran Duran tonight at the Chastain Park Amphitheatre.

And...well, that's all I got.

Sorry folks.

Daily Black and White 

Zoo Atlanta's Lun Lun may or may not be with panda. We'll keep our fingers crossed.

Pamela and Tommy Lee take three.

What's the over under on Paris2
? Anybody?

Oh those crazy kids.
"The officers observed the two individuals on the roof as God made them - they were naked and they were engaging in sexual intercourse," Suffolk County Police Inspector Robert Ponzo said. "They were clearly visible from street level."

Ubiquitous hasbeen Lorenzo Lamas gets cuckholded by a male stripper on the eve of his wedding.

Ever the gentleman, Jude says it's, like, totally all Sienna's fault.

Eminem NOT retiring after all. So get over it. At least, so says Scott.

Booze, chicks, and midgets. Dennis Kozlowski's son-in-law knows how to party.

E! will air more than you ever wanted to know about life as Hugh Hefner. Well, not really, it's just E! after all.

The Decemberists, the Helio Sequence, the Thermals, Dolorean, and Lifesavas are among the acts confirmed to appear on Elliott Smith tribute album due out in the fall

"You wore flip-flops to the White House??"
(pic at Drudge)

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight check out the Cribs at the Mercury Lounge.

Local buzzworthy act the iOs will be at Rothko with Surefire and the Harlem Shakes.

Monday, July 18, 2005

FAB Makes Oblique Promise to the Internet 

In the spirit of all the fun they've been having over at ToTC. FAB has been wanting to have a special fun with Eastern European fashion montage special over here, but we're still trying to figure out how to tactfully take pictures without the aid of a 007-worthy spy camera. Though, if you happen to see one somewhere, the quarter-birthday is fast approaching. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of relishing in various pastel hues of eye shadow and shirts of a lycra nipple-baring enough to bring a blush to the cheeks of even the feyest of queens, just you wait. I figure all I need is a few more Jaegerbombs and the rest will be a piece of cake. Have patience, my friends, and you shall be rewarded. I hope.

Check out these neat faucets. Yeah, faucets. Because we spend half our life having to pee or otherwise waiting in line in the bathroom of various drinking establishments, we long ago developped a sort of fascination with aesthetically interesting bathrooms. While do not believe in form over function and ultimately value bathrooms for their utility rather than aesthetics, we do enjoy pretty sinks and innovative designs. We have been most impressed with the bathrooms at Bar 69 and the men's room at the Royalton (no there's really no story there).

You Can Take the Girl Out of Texas... 

Sandra Bullock rides up in a red monster truck and procedes to marry that Monster Garage guy.

And you thought that "Miracle of Life" video from your eighth grade health class was traumatizing.

Apparently the Hollywood establishment doesn't think being a Yid does much to enhance one's studly superhero reputation.

For some reason, Sadie's totally got Sienna's back. Oh how art doesn't imitate life imitating art. Jude gets his walking papers.

The Williams sisters reality tv series a harbinger of the death of reality tv?.

Johnny Depp thinks half the world's population "feels sorry" for him. Well if that is some sort of pirate code for "wanting to have our way with you in the office closet," then yeah, FAB feels really sorry for you, guy.

Ya Gotta Believe!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Ear and Otherwise Notes: ATL 

The Heritage Arts Festival begins today and runs through July 24th.

Tonight check out new local acts Tora Tora Tora, the Friction Coefficient, and the Partisens at Lenny's.
Kiss Atlanta on Tora Tora Tora.

FAB also recommends heading over to the Earl to hear Maria Taylor of Azure Ray, Statistics, and Taylor Hollingsworth.

Saturday night, 99X's free Downtown Rocks concert series continues at Underground Atlanta. This weekend check out Second Shift (6:15pm), The Dead 60s (7pm), The Bravery (8pm), and Weezer (9:30pm).

Eisley, Hot Hot Heat, and World Leader Pretend will be at the 40 Watt in Athens. Read Gothamist's interview with World Leader Pretend.

The Hiss will be rocking out the Earl on Saturday night with support from American Minor and one of FAB's least favorite Atlanta bands, the Marsh.

India.Arie will be at the Chastain Park Amphitheatre.

Advance Ear Notes 

Tickets for Nine Inch Nails at Philips Arena Thursday, October 27th officially go on sale Saturday.

Also, we think we already mentioned this a few days ago, but the Decemberists will be at the Tabernacle, Thursday, September 29th. Tickets for that show go on sale tomorrow as well.

The internets are abuzz about this free show on Monday featuring, among others Har Mar Superstar and Steve Aoki from Dim Mak Records. We're posting today cause apparently you have rsvp or something. How very civilized.

Ear Notes: NYC 

The Siren Festival is this Saturday. The lineup includes Spoon, VHS or Beta, Q and Not U (this might be your last opportunity to see them), the Dears, Saul Williams, and Ambulance LTD. Go forth and eat many, many hotdogs and then ride the Cyclone. Because you can.

Tonight Insound is having a some sort of Pre-Siren Festival Party thing at Rothko.

Saturday night the Spinto Band, the Bullet Parade, Bikini Car Wash Co., and Golden Ball will be in the Knitting Factory Old Office.

Faith Evans will be at the BB King Blues Club and Grill.

Tits and Pieces 

You knew it had to surface sooner or later. And quite frankly, we're surprised it didn't happen sooner. Fourteen minutes, Colin? We hardly knew ye.

Despite pressing charges, Cameron Diaz thinks her titties look pretty damn good in those pictures, thank you very much.

And while we're on the subject, Jack Osbourne has Kimberly Stewarts fake ones hanging on his wall.

Garrison Keillor thinks Atlanta drinks too much and talks too loud. We know someone else who would join in Keillor's crusade against rude fans.

Jessica Simpson is a freebie whore

When Ali G attacks

When Hugh Grant attacks

Eminem and 50 Cent tour bus crashes into tractor trailers.

Zach Braff and Mandy Moore call it quits
. Yawn.

Pot meet kettle.

Why Mr. Pettibone, that's so, like, totally meta of you.

HP6 drops this weekend. But I'm sure you already knew that. FAB can't wait to get her sticky little paws on her very own copy. But I'm sure you already knew that.
Speaking of which, Joel Garreau thinks Harry Potter is the Bob Dylan of his generation. Best Week Ever provides further equations involving our favorite childhood fictional heroes and modern day celebrities.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Srebenica Reconsidered 

The Fat Asian Baby has been both surprised and impressed by the international press coverage of the tenth anniversary of the Srebenica Massacre, including this editorial in today's Times laying blame on the bumbling impotence or worse, the willful ignorance, of UN "Peacekeeping" forces. While it gives us hope to see this story prominently remembered in major news sources, we can't help but acknowledge that this "too little too late" handling of blatant atrocities continues today.

Hear NPR's coverage of the Srebenica commemoration here.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight check out Reigning Sound and Subsonics at the Earl in East Atlanta.

If you're brave enough to venture OTP, FAB recommends checking out new local act the Modern Society tonight at LOCOS in Gainesville. It's a bit of a haul, but the Modern Society has some of the catchiest tunes coming out of North Georgia these days, and we're sure these boys won't disappoint.

Ear Noteworthy: ATL 

FAB just discovered the local music jukebox over at accessAtlanta which streams music from local pop/rock acts. The jukebox is a great way for the musically curious to sample a variety of local bands and a great opportunity for local bands to get some free exposure. So spread the word. The jukebox currently plays only 32 bands, so tell your friends to submit their music now. (via Daniel Moore at Metroblogging Atlanta)

Of Montreal just released their fall tour dates. FAB was disappointed to see that they won't be stopping by Atlanta, but they will be kicking off the tour over at Athens' Popfest 2005.

The Cat Came Back 

Ever the fashion-forward daily, the New York Times heralds Daryl Kerrigan's great comeback. Isn't this like her 9th return to glory already? We're pretty sure we read this exact same story this time last year. Or was it the year before? Hmm...

Corey Feldman admits he was molested by a gang Hollywood pervs. And no it didn't include MJ.

The Top 12 Hottest Female Guitarists Ever. (via thighmaster)

Limelight Estate Avalon closes its doors on July 24th. In its next life, it will be a music venue. FAB hopes it has better karma next time around.

Julia just can't win when it comes to food service personnel. FAB still chuckles to herself remember this whole dining services flap during our junior year.

"Commuters who pay the Ga. 400 toll with cash may be delayed this morning as the State Road and Tollway Authority conducts a survey from 7:30 a.m. until noon on northbound and southbound lanes." May? Be? Delayed? Wait, is this a joke or something because we, like, totally don't get it.

To Live and Date in New York + the internet + network television = Hooking Up

So are we gonna get, like, an entire new Supreme Court lineup or something?

Quote of the Day: "Sometimes, when people are constipated, you
gotta help them out." - Bobby Brown (via popbitch)

"WINE growers in southern France, eager to alert holidaymakers to the crisis hitting the industry, will hand out 400,000 bottles later this month at toll booths and along rural roads in the region." We know there's a joke in here somewhere. But frankly, we're just too hungover this morning to make it.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight Tegan and Sarah will be rocking out Webster Hall.

Remember the Samples? They're going to be at the World Yacht Marina at W. 41st Street.

P.S. and Morning Theft will be at Northsix in Brooklyn.

Lucinda Williams
will be at the Beacon Theater.

Wyclef will be at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center.

Dinosaur Jr. and Broken Social Scene will be playing Central Park Summerstage at Rumsey Playfield. Good luck getting into that.

West Coasters Ozomatli will be doing "Celebrate Brooklyn" at the Prospect Park Bandshell.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Overheard in New York: Homo Edition 

Middle-aged guy: You know, somebody needs to tell gay men that they're not 17 year old girls.

--David Barton Gym, 23rd Street

Guy: Hey, can I get some cigarettes?

The newsstand man just rocks back and forth mumbling something.

Guy: Excuse me, can I get some cigarettes?!
Newsstand man: ...Yes, sir. Cigarettes. Sorry, I was praying.
Guy: Oh. I thought you were masturbating.

--Times Square newsstand

Mischa Barton finally rolls over and realizes the guy lying next to her in bed is actually just a fat, greasy troll.

Britney finally rolls over and realizes the guy lying next to her in bed is a freeloading piece of trailer trash.

The Butterscotch Stallion is proud to be a butterscotch stallion

Zoo Atlanta Orangutans might be knocked up

Jermaine opens Cafe Dupri on Piedmont Ave

Kelly Osbourne wants to get sucked and tucked.

L.Lo gets dissed. Twice

The new Miss Marksmen Festival 2005 is a 24-year old hottie named Kira who used to be a dude named Tarek.

Atlanta ban on begging back on the table.

Ear Noteworthy: ATL 

This week has been a slow one for shows in Atlanta. Tonight, FAB recommends checking out the premiere screening party for the Elliott Smith tribute, Rose Parade, at Eyedrum. Local bands Snowden, Hotel, Aye!Robotics, Cannonwill, and Trapper's Cabin will be performing. Click here for more information.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight FAB recommends the Stolen Transmission label showcase at Rothko featuring the Five O'Clock Heroes, the Spinto Band, and Nightmare of You. All for $5.

Also recommended: Lady Sovereign, DJ A-Trak, and Nick Catchdubs mixing it up at the Knitting Factory. Event info here.

Balkan Beat Box
will be playing Joe's Pub.

The Bravery
, Nic Armstrong, and the Thieves will be at Webster Hall.

Weezer, Taking Back Sunday, and The Fray will be at Nassau Colliseum tonight.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Over at Gridskipper, Atlanta is in the running for Most Feminine City (sexually speaking) in their World's Sexiest Cities competition. We can't say we really understand just what this means exactly, but, uh, cool.

In other news, let's all give a big bienvenue to Parisist. What's next? Sarajevoist?

Girly Bits 

Britney wants to design maternity wear. "There's so much unappealing stuff out there for moms-to-be I have so many ideas about more modern, funkier designs."

Page Six calls it like it is. Fabian Basabe described as both a "socialite" and an "orangutan" for swinging from the rafters of a Hamptons club before stripping naked, rubbing up against unsuspecting male clubgoers, and somehow landing on top of the beastly Lizzie Grubman. In other news, Lizzie Grubman still hangs out in the Hamptons?

Honey, does this make me look fat?

Kris Benson's ho wife got kicked out of the World Series of Poker last weekend for being a total ho being difficult. Apparently what happens in Vegas doesn't really stay there.

Hey guys! That package you ordered from Amazon? It might bring Anna Kournikova to your doorstep.

Angelina is a kinky fuck. Like we didn't already know that.

The Spice Girls are in the studio recording their "comeback" album. And by "in the studio" we mean Mel C and Emma Bunton are thought to be recording in London, Geri Halliwell is doing her bit from her holiday in the South of France, Victoria Beckham is staying put in Madrid, while Mel B is doing her vocals in Los Angeles. No doubt we have a hit on our hands.

The new Miss South Carolina, Erika Grace Powell, was in an Atlanta restaurant when she broke open the fate-filled cookie with the message, "You will receive a title of high honor."

White House politely looks the other way when Karl Rove is caught with his pants down around his ankles.

Pitchfork reviews Arcade Fire's EP re-release

Snoop doesn't want to divorce Mrs. Dogg after all.

Advance Ear Notes 

The Decemberists announced their new tour dates including their September 29th visit to the Tabernacle. FAB is not terribly fond of the Tabernacle for aforementioned reasons, but we must admit, the Decemberists are amazing live.

Franz Ferdinand also released fall tour dates yesterday, but they are inexplicably excluding Atlanta.

In other non-news, Xiu Xiu is also dissing Atlanta.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight the Spinto Band and Bikini Car Wash will be at Maxwell's in, uh, Hoboken.

Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, and Queen Latifah will be at the Sugar Water Festival at Jones Beach.

Monday, July 11, 2005

10 Worst Album Covers of All Time.

Oy Vey! 

Jewish or Not Jewish? (via Ultragrrrl). FAB scored a miserable 60%.

So That's Where They Are 

In case you were wondering what ever became of FAB's fellow Scarsdale High School graduates, it seems they've all been congregating in Murray Hill.

(Actually FAB already knew where they were hiding thanks to the IJC. It's just that we didn't really give a shit. To be perfectly honest, we probably still don't.)

Live from Bosnia: Drama Edition 

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the Srebenica massacre.

Ten years later, this guy is the height of sexysexycool in the region.

Over the weekend it seems that FAB started a brawl at Club ______* in Sarajevo. A Military Personnel-Type Buddy was physically ejected by the Club Owner which of course caused a surge of testosterone and chest thumping in all of the remaining Military Affiliated Buddies. We're not exactly sure what happened next, but there was some screaming, hair pulling, punching, hitting with a slow moving vehicle, bloody hands, and bruised egos. The alleged cause: apparently the club owner was displeased to see the MP-TB talking to the Fat Asian Baby.

*It has been brought to FAB's attention that the owner of said club, who has been nothing but nice to FAB on the few occasions we've met, is also notoriously affiliated with the mafia and therefore it might best to avoid name-dropping.

Sexcapades, et al. 

Hugh Grant Sex Scandal v2.0: "Suffice to say that Hugh, who seemed to be behind Jemima, was showing his love for her in a most enthusiastic and energetic manner."

Ritalin is the new heroin.

News from the Kings of Leon UK tour:
Jared "has a willy like a finger", Nathan and Matthew "are very nice blokes". Chosen groupies from the Brighton gig "were all only sixteen and one was a virgin until she had a threesome with two of the band."
(via Popbitch)

Charlotte Church continues to act out her adolescence in public
while her "hotter than Beckham" boyfriend would almost rather be bungee jumping.

Peaches strikes back:
"He really plays up to the 'cracked-out loser' thing. He was fine before he went on stage but, once he was there, he transformed into this shambolic drug-addled circus freak."

Jessica thinks Christina is nasty and Britney has a cute arase. In other news, Jessica Simpson thinks.

Friday, July 08, 2005

FAB Wants* 

Hey, Aren't We Friends On MySpace? tshirt (via Largehearted Boy).

*FAB has so many wants, this may just become a weekly segment.

Nitty Gritty 

Music Midtown may be history, but nobody's really saying either way.

Bobby Brown is trying to sire Bobby Brown Jr.

Belgian conjugal visits may be extended after being deemed too short by a Catholic researcher

Oasis is pissed at Babyshambles after their no show on Wednesday. Personally, FAB can't wait until the Liam Gallagher versus Pete Doherty catfight.

Q and Not U set to disband after playing their final shows in DC this September.

Mariah Carey's sister has been selling herself all over Long Island

Countdown to Jennifer Aniston's public dropping of the marbles continues on
. At least she's managing to stay in the news.

Two beluga whales will be coming to the Georgia Aquarium in Midtown.

Advance Ear Notes 

Tickets for Sigur Ros at the Atlanta Symphony Hall Tuesday, September 6th go on sale to the general public tomorrow.
Presale tickets are available now.

Guardrails Are Our Friends 

We have returned from the first batch of field work in northwest Bosnia and are pleased to report we are still alive. We very nearly met our death on the way there, however, as we wound our way through curving and crumbling mountain roads at speeds exceeding 160 KPH. FAB has always thought guard rails were a little silly along the sides of interstate highways since they clearly aren't going to do much for you if you barrel into them at 70 MPH. However, even if guardrails may not save your life, we will now admit that, if nothing else, they do serve a handy psychological purpose which was not lost on us as we careened around curves at 100 KPH.

Ear Notes: NYC 

Tonight the Rinse, Hello Nurse, and Locksley will be at CBGB's. For more information about the lineup, go here.

Dark Fog will be at 13 Little Devils tonight and Glasshouse Gallery in Brooklyn on Saturday.

and Oxford Collapse will be at the Mercury Lounge tonight and at Southpaw Saturday night.

Two bands called Les Sans Culottes will be playing tonight. The first will be at Freddy's Backroom in Brooklyn with the Spunk Lads. The other will be at Pianos with the Dansettes.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight Dinosaur Jr. will be at the Variety Playhouse in L5P.

If you don't have tickets for Dinosaur Jr., FAB recommends checking out The Hiss, Shock Cinema, and Psychic Hearts tonight at Lenny's.

99X's free Downtown Rocks concert series begins tomorrow night with Trances Arc, The Caesars, Stereophonics, and Cake.

Thursday, July 07, 2005


London is under attack!

Ear Notes: NYC 

Spin Magazine is sponsoring a free show tonight at Pier 54 headlined by the Von Bondies.

Digable Planets are back at it again, tonight at Irving Plaza.

The Argument, Spiraling, and Bleu will be at the Tribeca Rock Club tonight.

Sex Mob will be at Tonic.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight check out Red Letter Agent at the 10 High.

Also, the Earl is having some sort of birthday party. On the menu tonight will be Pylon, Tenement Halls, and Nikki Sudden.

Bits and Pieces 

Lil' Kim gets sent to the Big House for a whole year.

John Lennon really did have the yellow fever.

Britney may be incubating not one but two Federline spawn. Just what the world needs.

Bob Geldof nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his tireless dedication to organizing huge concerts and stuff.

For some reason, nerdy director Quentin Tarantino is licking up KFed's sloppy seconds.

Get ready for Notorious BIG round two.

Is Katie finally coming to her senses?

The fine readers of airplane rag USA Today have chosen and ranked the 20 Greatest American Bands. Bon Jovi? Really? (via Superlertive)

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

And We're Off 

Fat Asian Baby is off to spend a couple of days in the field appearing productive or something. We're bringing the computer with us, but we can't promise anything.

Tit for Tat 

Mimi has finally found someone who's not ashamed to be seen with her. And his name is Robbie Williams.

The Backstreet Boys still suck.

"NOTHING gets Nicole Richie's juices flowing like listening to her fiancé, DJ-AM, spin records." Umm. Gross.

Skinny Japanese dude eats a sick amount of hotdogs and wins for the fifth year in a row.

Lindsay Lohan would never encourage reckless behavior. Never.

Roberto Cavalli is set to give the Playboy Bunny a makeover
. Cause Lord knows, nobody's classier than Roberto Cavalli, except maybe the Hef himself.

"Look Mr Snoopy," she told the rapper. "You're not taking my husband out. I know all about your reputation."


Excuse us while we go all cheesetastic on your ass, but has anybody else seen Eminem's new* video for Mockingbird? We'd like to pretend this doesn't happen often, but the part of FAB that is a sentimental, voyeuristic, Eminem-loving starfucker was totally blown away.

*By "new" we mean new to us. We do not have cable. And we presently reside in the Balkans.

Page Six "Blind" Items 

We're not even going to dignify these with answers. We're pretty sure that even FABMama could figure these out. Please.

July 5, 2005 -- WHICH newlywed husband of a TV personality dropped her off at an award show, then went on a tour of gay bars in L.A.? What he didn't realize was that the limo driver had to keep a list of every stop — and that when network execs got the limo bill, the list "looked like a Yellow Page ad of gay bars" . . . WHICH leading man landed his fiancée by giving her a five-year contract for $10 million? Now, she's giving an Oscar-worthy performance acting as if she's really in love with him . . . WHICH foreign-born sports phenom lies about his age? Though he landed a multimillion-dollar sneaker deal as a 14-year-old, whispers are he's closer to 20.

Intergalactic Planetary Planetary Intergalactic* 

Camp Butmir, Sarajevo.
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*FAB apologizes for the relatively blurry suckiness of these pictures. We must've been, like, drunk or something.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Holiday Weekend Ear Candy: ATL Edition 

Tonight Eisley and Lovedrug will be at Smith's Olde Bar.

Sleater-Kinney will be at the Variety Playhouse in L5P.

If you haven't heard the Psychic Hearts, Snowden, or I am the World Trade Center, this is a rare opportunity to hear some of the best bands that Atlanta and Athens have to offer together at the same place at the same time. All three bands will be playing the Earl on Saturday night. If FAB were not all the way in the, uh, Balkans, we'd so totally be there.

Another favorite Atlanta band, A Fir-Ju Well will be at Eddie's Attic on Saturday night.

Sunday night, Preston of DSC will be mixing it up for at a benefit for the ONE Campaign to end global poverty. All you can drink Sweetwater for a $5 donation. It doesn't get much better than that, my friends. Details at Kiss Atlanta.

Holiday Weekend Ear Candy: NYC Edition 

Tonight James Taylor is at Jones Beach, but if you don't have tickets already you're probably pretty much screwed.

Also, Bilal will be at Celebrate Brooklyn at the Prospect Park Bandshell.

On Saturday night The Unsacred Hearts will be at the Mercury Lounge. FAB on the Unsacred Hearts.

Go Station will be at Don Hill's.

James Taylor will still be at Jones Beach, but again you probably won't be able to go unless you already have a ticket.

In Briefs 

Pardon our French, but what the fuck is going on with Liam Gallagher? The self-proclaimed "tender, beautiful, and loving guy" has opened his heart to the Jesus and is trying lead his kids down the straight and narrow. We're so confused.

Does this water taste funny to you?

Jessica Alba 1, Shark 0.

Countdown to Jennifer Aniston's public marble drop continues.

Turns out that if you're rich, it doesn't matter that you're old and crusty, hot chicks will still dig you. Interesting.

The Brooke Shields/Tom Cruise feud comes to the pages of the Paper of Record

President Bush actually does something useful

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