Wednesday, August 31, 2005

2 PSAs for the Price of 1 

Due to some last minute cancellations, Shut Eye Records is looking for bands to play tomorrow night's Battle of the Bands at Lenny's. The winner will receive free studio time, a spot on a compilation that's promoted to college radio, bar tab, etc. Its a very easy gig - you come, setup, play a short set (15 mins), and you're done. If you're interested, contact Ryan at Shut Eye Records for details.

In totally unrelated and potentially more significant news, the pipelines that supply metro Atlanta with gas have been down for two days thanks to Katrina. So, uh, get your gas now before it runs out. The AJC on the potential gas shortage.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight check out fellow New Yorkers Rahim at the Drunken Unicorn.

What Do You Call a Male Catfight? 

Las Vegas Convention Center security kicked the Game out of a trade show he was attending to promote his new line of kicks. Apparently officials were afraid Suge Knight would show up at a LAS VEGAS FASHION TRADE SHOW looking for retaliation cause hey, they're black, they're into hip hop, they're men, they have guns, ooooooh!

President Bush considering asking America to, like, cutback on energy consumption or something. Quite frankly, we have no idea what he's talking about.

"He's crushing his testicles in tight trousers for world peace."

Ronald Lauder versus Thomas Doherty.

Robert Downey Jr. versus Ron Perelman

Her Duffness thinks Jessica and Britney are immature.

Pitchfork: all Bloc Party, all the time.

Sorry guys, Keira Knightley's moved on to some Australian pop star.

Johnny Knoxville has a small weenie.

"There is to be no pork in the food or in the vicinity of 50 Cent's dressing room." At least he's keeping it safe.

Newsflash: Naomi Campbell gets into bitch slapping catfight with another model.

Newsflash: Nick and Jessica are tired of each other.

Kate Bush is back.

Your Sufjan Stevens-related post of the day.

Cingular set to introduce a Motorola phone that can play iTunes downloads.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

What Are They Feeding The Food Critics These Days? 

According to Frank Bruni, "with its air of exclusivity and mystery and its Mexican menu...La Esquina is sort of like Studio 54 with chipotle instead of cocaine." Um, come again?

Use Once and Destroy 

Courtney Love divulges too much information about her sex life, or lack thereof. And oh yeah, yep she's preggers after all.

Melanie Griffith admits she finds aging "scary and humiliating." Really Mellie? We hadn't noticed at all. Honest.

Rolling Stone wants to give Kanye West a hand job.

After everyone finished kicking Ben Gibbard around in the dust, Pitchfork reviews Death Cab's Plans and unsurprisingly finds it mediocre.

Stereogum wants you to stream Kanye or Death Cab at AOL Music.

Lindsay Lohan and Ashlee Simpson kiss and make up. Yawn.

Has Naked Cowgirl scared off Naked Cowboy?

100 Greatest Songs of the South.

Apparently Brad and Angelina's relationship is some kind of secret. But don't you worry, they're going public real soon.

Creationists are taking back the dinosaurs. Apparently FAB missed the day in Hebrew School when we learned about dinos marching two by two into Noah's Ark. (via boing boing)

Hurricaines make people cranky.

Monday, August 29, 2005

All the Things that Make Us Laugh and Cry 

Last night I watched two back to back episodes of the Family Guy. Because I've been variously away or busy, I haven't seen any of the episodes since it's return to network television so even reruns are new to me. I must say, life doesn't get much better than back to back episodes of the Family Guy. Honestly. At some point in the first episode, the Highly Alarmist Roommate decided to get sucked into the boob tube as well. "I've never seen this before," says she.
"God, it's been so long," says I.
"Wait, I don't understand, is that a baby or a man that's talking there?"
"Stewie? Stewie's just a baby. I love Stewie."
"But he sounds like a man. How come his voice sounds like that?"
"What do you mean? It's the Family Guy. I don't think they really listen to him anyway. He's just a baby."
"What? But he talks and he sounds like a man."
This morning as I was lying in bed I thought to myself: "Funny, she didn't seem the least bit confused about Brian."

Mooove Over Butter 

We finally packed up all our stuff and moved the FABVirtualHQ over to www.fatasianbaby.com. It's exactly the same but better. Many thanks to Paulie and Shoobie for helping with the move.

American Idiots 

Greenday clean up at the VMAs.

Some dude shoots Suge Knight outside Kanye West's VMAs party. Shockingly, the shooter was described only as a black male.

FAB once again pats self on the back for deciding to move to Atlanta instead of New Orleans.

Having finished trash talking on Cup a Soup, indie film golden girl Gwyneth takes aim at Brad and Jen. Indie film golden girl?

Bai Ling even more deranged than her fashion sense would suggest.

Lawrenceville family wakes up to find someone took a dump on their porch, egged the house, burned and spray painted swastikas into the lawn and in front of the house. Police unsure whether incident constitues hate crime.

Roman Polanski Targets Young Audience
. Snicker.

NY Daily News dishes hackneyed sound bytes about CDs to be released in the fall from the Dandy Warhols, Iron and Wine/Calexico, Sigur Ros, Dar Williams, Ryan Adams, Babyshambles, India.Arie, Jet, Fiona Apple. Franz Ferdinand, the Darkness, My Morning Jacket, Scissor Sisters, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Outkast, Dr. Dre, TATU, My Chemical Romance, FeFe Dobson, Wilco, Madonna, Shakira, Ashlee Simpson, and a bunch of other people. FAB particularly enjoyed their characterization of CocoRosie as "Billie Holiday being excreted through a sausage grinder." And they even liked that one too.

Ever the picture of a glowing growling mother to be, Britney rips one into Jamie Lynn's 13-year old costar.

Elizabeth Hurley to wed
used-up Indian tycoon. In other news, Thaicoon and Sushi Bar on Briarcliff has pretty decent sushi.

"As far as coffee goes, though, I'd say espresso gets the job done - it goes right to your nipples!"

Alidjflakjalsdkflkaelkjad. Wait. Sorry, sorry. We're just not used to seeing "Pete Doherty" and "healthy lifestyle" in the same sentence.

Feist announce tour dates
. They're forgoing Atlanta but will be at the Georgia Theater in Athens on November 16th.

Even Pitchfork wants to suck Kanye's dick.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

It Hurts to be this Good 

The Fat Asian Baby doesn't usually blog on the weekends cause, hey, we're lazy, and furthermore, we like pretending we have a normal 9-5 job, albeit a job where we hang out in our underwear and we don't actually make any money. However, from time to time we have been known to make exceptions for important things such as snickering and saying I told you so. So, do you remember how the Fat Asian Baby told you not once, not twice, but THREE times to check out the Modern Society cause these boys are going places? Well after just three shows, yeah only three, these North Georgia boys have been nominated for Best New Band in the 2005 Atlanta Music Guide Awards. The winners will be announced at the awards show on Saturday September 17th at The Loft. Tickets are available at Ticket Alternative. But my real point is, go here and vote your brains out. Voting ends at noon on Friday, September 16th. So get busy.

Friday, August 26, 2005

In the past, FAB has mentioned the proliferation of bath products we'd like to eat. This trend, while dangerous, is not the least bit disturbing. The other day when we were washing the dishes, we noticed a new flavor of dishwashing detergent had taken up residence at the FAB kitchen sink: Palmolive Aromatherapy Lavender and Ylang Ylang Essences. We had no idea what the hell ylang ylang was other than some newfangled Asian-sounding hippie dippy aromatherapy scent. According to the geniuses at encyclopedia.com, ylang ylang (ē´läng-ē´läng) is a "perfume oil obtained by distillation of the fragrant flowers of Cananga odorata, a large tropical Asian tree of the custard-apple family. The oil is highly valued for soaps, cosmetics, and expensive perfumes, particularly in what are known as Oriental blends." Now don't get me wrong, I'll wash my dishes in all manner of soap just as long as the dishes get clean, but for some reason I think lavender and Asian custard-apple perfumes should stay in body scrubs and bubble baths and leave my dirty frying pans and shot glasses to the superior cleaning power of citrus. Quite frankly, lavender scented spoons disturb me.

Let's Get It On 

Did Mos Def pull a Britney?

Maybe Maria Sharapova's taste in men not that bad after all.

Liam Gallagher may be married. Or maybe not.

Ashlee Simpson wants to nail Angelina. In other news, so does FAB.

I'm not quite sure why we even wanna know this, but for the record, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are so totally doing each other.

Scarlett and Josh shack up.

Celebrity Couples Age Differences photo montage. (via cityrag).

People caught having sex outdoors photo montage. (also via cityrag).

"The thing with Posh is she’s not a naturally attractive girl, she’s got skin problems and bad hair. She’s very plastic, very cold and very fake." And the countdown to the hairpulling begins right. about. now.

Nicky Hilton boldly risks the wrath of her evil big sister.

Hamster powered cell phone charger. No comment from gerbil union.

Ex-Unicorns dish up the dirty dirty.

Alison Goldfrapp thinks the OC pretty much sucks.

"Alex Cassity of Midway is a God-fearing man, so when he saw strange lights in the sky over his home Thursday his first thought was it was the second-coming...'It was really something,' he said. 'but my first thought was, the Lord’s coming.'"
Well actually, sir, those were just military flares.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight check out A Fir-Ju Well, De Novo Dahl, and Charm School at the Earl.

Variac, Sleep Therapy, and Creve Coure will be at Lenny's.

Tomorrow night we have a lot of recommendations for your listening pleasure. For starters, Nightmare of You will be at the Cotton Club at the Tabernacle.

FAB also recommends the Features and PINE*am at the Earl.

The Selmanaires will be at Lenny's with Teen Getaway, Casper and the Cookies, Hot Grits, and the Cherry Splits.

Advance Ear Notes 

On Sale Today:
LCD Soundsystem at Earthlink Live on Friday, November 12th.

On Sale Sunday:
The Delta International Series at the Fox Theatre including Madame Butterfly, The Mikado, Die Fledermaus, Carmina Burana, Bolero, and some other stuff all on various dates from October to March.

Thursday, August 25, 2005


This week's Creative Loafing features the Fall Arts Guide. Creative Loafing (and to be quite honest, FAB too) is all in a bunch about the Georgia Aquarium and the new expansion at the High Museum of Art, both of which will be making their debuts in November. Loafers also highlight upcoming performing artists hitting down in the next few months including Sigur Ros, the Indigo Girls, Weezer, Four Tet, Bloc Party, the New Pornographers, Death From Above 1979, and oh, remember that Irish band U2?

Ear Notes: ATL 

The computer, it is in a bad way. And by that I mean I have very few minutes before it spontaneously shuts down for lack of food and drink. So let's be brief shall we?

Tonight FAB will be checking out Rainer Maria at the Drunken Unicorn with support from Hail Social and Athens band Psychic Hearts. Maybe you should too.

Entirely unrelated: Pitchfork reviews the Spinto Band's Nice and Nicely Done.
Stars will be joining Death Cab at the Tabernacle at the end of October. Buckle up.

And that's all, goodnight.

If those children over at the Thursday Styles section of the Times know anything about fashion, a dubious if indeed, we are about to witness the return of minimalist fashion, baruch Hashem, amen. Oh yeah and they want you to buy boots. Lots and lots of boots.

Now please excuse us, there is an ungodly pile of summer Vogues and W on the floor here demanding FAB's immediate attention.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Tree Hugging for Beer, or Is It the Other Way Around? 

I don't have any shows for you tonight, but the Atlanta Chapter of the Sierra Club is having some sort of get together tonight at the Raging Burrito in Decatur.

Preston Craig of Kiss Atlanta will be presiding over the music and Georgia PIRG's Jill Johnson will talk about the Sierra Club's new campaign against ExxonMobil, the world’s largest and most profitable oil company. Instead of investing in clean and efficient energy, ExxonMobil funds junk science to deny the existence of global warming, actively lobbies Congress to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling, and refuses to pay billions owed in punitive damages from the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. Bring a friend and find out more. Bring your own glass and drink for free, or donate $3 and drink your fill from a souvenir cup. For more information, email anna.swinson@sierraclub.org or call (404)-607-1262 ext 222.

Better Late Than Never 

Pot meet kettle.

Brooklyn Vegan has the partial CMJ lineup. Lookin' good, kids.

Jack Osbourne denies plastic surgery speculation cause he's "not that vain." Sharon had no comment.

CNN Head Calls FoxNews Coverage 'Meaningless Nonsense.' Yeah, that's about right.

FAB wants gazpacho.

Victoria Gotti is full of shit.

Ironically, Kate Moss runs to LA to escape the drug-addled lifestyle.

Superman spotted in Serbia. Still no sign of Mladic.

The aforementioned band, the Sun, is releasing their first full length album in DVD form. Fascinating.

We're already two days into the Atlanta Underground Film Festival. More info at Kiss Atlanta.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire trailer hits the internet.

The Strokes reveal details on new single.

Le Tigre, Coup, Ted Leo to Play D.C. Anti-War Protest. In other news, apparently we're in some kind of war?

Everybody loves to hate Lance Armstrong and his dumb yellow bracelets.

The Fug ladies have created a helpful Fugland Security color coding system.

Tonight is the Billionaires for Bush Drunk on Power Ball at the Frying Pan.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Is Preschool Pilates Next? 

FAB's beastly doppelganger Kimora Lee Simmons brings the world yet more shit we never knew we needed and are pretty sure we still don't.

Ohmygod! Tara Reid's milkbags are, like, totally fake. It's a shame that Tara was the last one to get the breast memo. How embarrassing.

Mark Wahlberg embraces his third nipple. In other news, is FAB the last one to get the memo on Mark Wahlberg's THIRD NIPPLE?

Newsflash: America getting even fatter than we already are. Inconceivable.

Images of Cabbagetown
. (via Neon Poisoning)

Keanu Reeves is shtupping Dianne Keaton.

Starlets in Chadors.

Radiohead start their very own weblog, which, for those unfamiliar with the term, is like a kind of online journal.

Your Sufjan Stevens-related post of the day, because everybody's doing it.

Eva Longoria accuses Hollywood of being one giant incestuous fuck pool.

Ohio gets busy.

Token gestures acknowledging all the darkies permanently confined to war and poverty-ravaged regions is, like, all the rage now in the music industry.

Gwyneth Paltrow forces baby to do yoga.

Patience, Grasshopper 

So the Fat Asian Baby is settling back nicely into the land of mosquitos and SUVs only slightly worse for the wear. Yes we know we have missed important harbingers of the End of Days such as the timely demise of Paris2 and Jude and Sienna v2.0 as well as failing to prevent the mounting evidence that BritBrit is, in fact, completely retarded and whatever else happened in the last few days. More importantly, it has come to our attention that the internet connection doesn't seem to be working properly, and by that I mean, the internet connection that I steal from an as yet undetermined neighbor doesn't seem to be working too well from FABHQ, more properly known as my bedroom. So, for the time being,FABHQ has moved to Joe's Coffee in East Atlanta. Blogging is a whole new ballgame when you can no longer do it while sitting in your underwear drinking a beer at 11 in the morning. Because the FAB brain is composed largely of a substance resembling Swiss cheese, it is impossible to transition from one place to another without forgetting something. For the most part, I try and minimize the damage and hope that whatever I'm forgetting is not of vital importance to my day to day life. With the notable exception of the time I left my glasses in a hotel room in South Carolina, I have been successful in keeping the crucial bits together. The point I'm driving at here, and yes there is a point, is that blogging may be, well, hampered somewhat for the next few days because it seems that in my rush to flee New York, I left the adapter plug for my computer plugged into the power strip underneath FABDaddy's desk, the very FABDaddy who two hours after my departure himself fled to Maine for the remainder of the week. Because the Highly Alarmist Roommate, God bless her, has a similar computer, the Process isn't fatally handicapped, but please pardon us if we seem a little, um, slow.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight the Jim Yoshi Pile Up, Mantissa, and Textbook will be at the Drunken Unicorn.

Jimmy Eat World and Greenday will be at Philips Arena.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Clifton Place Block Party, Brooklyn 

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I Hear They Call It "HOTlanta" 

But, oh my God you have GOT to be kidding me! It's really hot here.
I want to go home.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Inexplicably So 

Apparently Maria Sharapova has crappy taste in music, men.

Moby and Michael Stipe: two totally different guys who both happen to be bald and white.

Judge Crater Not Missing Anymore.

That US News and World Report college rankings thingy is out today. How did Georgia schools fare?

It probably wasn't so much the exhaustion as the sleeping pill addiction.

Justin Timberlake starts to realize his girlfriend may actually be a washed up old hag.

Radiohead heads to the studio.

Mini Me's mini marriage is over.

Jewish people selling Jewish things to other Jewish people

Jessica Alba likes older men.

We wish Goldie Hawn wouldn't use the phrase "lovemaking experience" when referring to herself or Kurt Russell or really talk about sex at all. Ever.

Jennifer Love Hewitt wears cheap lip gloss to red carpet events. In other news, someone still invites Jennifer Love Hewitt to red carpet events.

Paris and Paris return from their European vacation. In other news, apparently girl Paris works.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight check out Tora Tora Tora, Soft Collision, Lay Down Mains, and Morning Lights at Lenny's.

The Woggles and Subsonics will be at the Earl.

System of a Down (did we ever tell you that Armenians are the Fat Asian Baby's favorite ethnic group after Jews?), the Mars Volta, and Bad Acid Trip will be at the Gwinnett Arena.

Harrison Hudson, Jil Station, Manchester Orchestra, and Fundamentals will be at the Velvet Underground at the Hard Rock Cafe.

Tomorrow night FAB recommends checking out I Almost Saw God in the Metro, Rolling Sixties, and the Narrator at the Drunken Unicorn.

Tenth to the Moon will be having their CD release at Lenny's with Airoes, RetConned, Abiku, Mose Giganticus, and Toy Party.

Advance Ear Notes 

On Sale Today:
The New Pornographers at the Variety Playhouse on Monday, October 17th.

Doves at the Coca-Cola Roxy on Tuesday, September 20th.

Liz Phair at the Roxy on Monday, October 10th.

My Morning Jacket at the Roxy on Thursday, October 6th.

On Sale Saturday:
Atlanta Rockfest 2005 at the Roxy on Friday, September 23rd.

Mindless Self Indulgence at the Masquerade on Wednesday, September 21st.

Rob Thomas
at the Tabernacle on Monday, October 24th.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

They're Baaack 

Fourfour examines the six new America's Next Top Model contestants and their low-budget looking promo shots. Sure I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I maintain that none of the contestants since Shandi has looked even remotely like she'll ever be modeling anything more upscale than Wet Seal's Back to School campaign.

It Would Appear That She's Discovered Costco 

But still, this does seem like a rather lot of capers for two people, no?

And They Wonder Why I Don't Spend More Time Hanging Out with Them 

It's barely 9am, and I've already had the following conversations with the FABParents:

FAB: opening a package of Genoa salami from the neighborhood deli and sticking a piece in mouth*. I wonder if Genoa salami is really from Genoa anymore.
FABDaddy: And I wonder if there's anything in salami other than fat and nitrates.
FAB: Swallowing, peeling off another slice of salami, defiantly shoving it in mouth. I think maybe there are peppercorns.

*Shut up, it's totally after lunchtime in Sarajevo.

FAB sits at her laptop innocently perusing the web as FABMama approaches menacingly.
FABMama: Do you have any of the things that Dad gets on the computer like Mapquest or Google?
FAB: Yeah. That's the internet.
FABMama: Oh. Well your Dad usually does it on his computer. I was hoping you would teach me with the computer.*
FAB: Yeah I know.

*Pardon our disrespect, but we have had this conversation at least a few hundred times in the last ten years. FAB is not especially computer literate and, to put it bluntly, it is less than delightful to try and teach someone to use a computer who has taken several computer workshops and yet still does not comprehend the desktop metaphor.

Ear Notes: ATL 

We're not sure if it's sold out, but if you can, check out Kings of Leon, the Secret Machines, and the Helio Sequence tonight at the Tabernacle.

How 'Bout Them Waffles? 

Waffle House turns a healthy 50 years old. The Fat Asian Baby had no idea that in addition to Krispy Kreme donuts, Waffle House is one more reason to be proud to live in Atlanta. FAB is giddy with excitement at the prospect of an imminent return below the Waffle House/IHOP Line so I can continue stuffing my face with smothered covered hash browns and sausage, egg, and cheese sandwiches at all hours of the day or night just as God intended.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

And FAB Quietly Ponders to Herself 

What is it about zits that compels you to keep touching your face to make sure they're still there while we all know that this just makes the situation worse and, Lordy, where exactly were you expecting them to disappear to in the last five minutes anyway?

Hurt So Good 

Norwegian authorities probe Pete Doherty.

Tara Reid feigns propriety.

It's Downtown Atlanta Restaurant Week. Check out the list of participating restaurants and beware of cocktails.

Cameron Diaz enlightens the world on Senior Ball Hang.

The folks at Sam Adams aren't fucking around. Introducing Utopia.

Fat on your thighs, hips, and ass may actually be good for your health. Victoria Beckham unavailable for comment.

KFeds tries to make Britney his bitch.

Kelly Osbourne preys on another young musician.

NASCAR execs to scope out downtown Atlanta today. In other news, NASCAR has executives.

Attention Shlong and Former Roommate D: Tanning probably an addiction.

Atlanta Becomes Mecca for Black Gays, but they still can't hang out with the white homos or the Bible thumpers because "this is still the South."

Bratwurst is the nation's "fastest-growing protein" among grillers.

Delta still facing bankruptcy.

Jennifer Connelly: Champion Multi-tasker

Goodbye Sarajevo 

Well today I'm at least 60% over the massive depression induced by spending the weekend saying goodbye to various new friends in a ritual that involved tequila shots and dark beer, packing up lots of things into a very large box on wheels, cleaning out the fridge in the form of housing all its contents, dragging said large box on wheels down four flights of stairs and out into the a waiting taxi at 6am, driving out of town to the aerodrom, waiting in a long check out line with assorted female Ukrainian athletes, being told that "despite the paper ticket clutched in your hot little hand your name is in fact not on the list and you will in fact not be boarding the plane today so why don't you go over there and talk to the guy at the ticketing counter so he can berate you for 45 minutes for not calling up to 56 hours in advance to confirm your reservation while everyone else boards the plane and the plane takes off," hailing another taxi back into town, carrying ridiculously heavy wheeled box back up the same four flights of stairs you just carried it down two hours previous, and climbing back into bed.
So I thought I'd post some pictures* of Sarajevo that I took on Sunday because for some reason I thought it was going to be my last day here.
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*I know there are a lot of pictures of the old guys playing chess and that old guys playing chess with big pieces isn't something traditionally considered exciting, but what can I say except that I really really dig the old guys playing chess.

Related: according to Parisist, Balkans chic is gonna be all the rage this winter. Umm, Balkans chic?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Ear Notes: ATL 

Oh yeah and there's no music tonight.

Did I Mention that I'm Exceedingly Displeased 

So looks like the Fat Asian Baby is going to be convalescing in the Balkans for longer than anticipated or desired. I'm too pissed off right now to go into it, but suffice it to say that Expedia.com and Austrian Airlines can suck my twat and there better be some fat compensation coming this way.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Did I Mention I Was Also in Banja Luka and that in Banja Luka, God Bless Them, They Have Pork? 

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Ear Notes: ATL 

The Fat Asian Baby has returned from our top secret missions in eastern Bosnia/Republika Srpska for one more weekend of fun in Sarajevo. I'm sure you're all breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't accidentally step on any land mines or unduly piss anyone off in Bratunac or Srebenica. The highlight of the trip was obviously this sign we passed on the road in the middle of extremely rural Srpska. Dear friends, if we had not been doing about 100 km/hr and had I been with people who would have remotely appreciated this sort of thing, verily I would now be posting a picture of a sign with something written in cyrillic (the farm name perhaps?) and underneath an illustration of one pig giving it to another pig in the ass. I kid you not. Nevertheless, I am once again happy to give you our projected weekend report as though I were actually anywhere near Atlanta. As perhaps implied before, FAB recommends hitting up Fuego tonight to check out A Fir-Ju Well, the Modern Society, and the Psychic Hearts. If you don't know who these guys are by now, check the archives.

The Atlantis Music Conference Showcase continues tonight including sets from Red Letter Agent and Modern Skirts at the Loft.

The Selmanaires
will be playing acoustic at the Earl with Scout Niblett and Anna Kramer.

Tomorrow night Snowden, Jetty, and the Shut Ups will be at Star Community Bar in Little Five Points.

Advance Ear Notes 

On Sale Today:
Death Cab For Cutie at the Tabernacle on Saturday, October 29th.

David Gray at the Tabernacle on Sunday, November 9th.

Leo Kottke at the Variety Playhouse on Wednesday, September 21st.

On Sale Tomorrow;
My Chemical Romance at the Gwinnett Arena on Saturday, October 8th.

And dig out your hippie costumes, Rusted Root will at the Roxy on Halloween.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

We Feel Ya, Buddy 

(image via fubiz)

Ear Notes: ATL 

Over the next few days the Fat Asian Baby will be wandering the wilds of Bosnia (Banja Luka, Mrkonjic Grad, Bratinac, Srebenica, yeah I know you don't really care) to take care of some last minute business. Chances are I may not resurface until Tuesday in New York, so I thought I'd leave you with some fun musically inclined activities for the next few days. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, the Atlantis Music Conference starts Wednesday night. But what we're really excited about is the Devil Stole the Beat at Fuego in Midtown. The opening night kickoff party starts at 11:00pm on Wednesday and features sets by Iain (Atlanta Music Guide), Jay Harren (99X Sunday School), Preston (KISS Atlanta + Decatur Social Club), Chaz (The Booze), and more than a few other characters. RSVP to info[at]thedevilstolethebeat[dot]com. The three-day lineup that follows includes some of the best bands in Atlanta like Snowden, A Fir-Ju Well, the Hiss, the Psychic Hearts, and the Modern Society.
For more info click here.

Advance Ear Notes 

Death Cab for Cutie announced their fall tour dates. Ben Gibbard and company hit the Tabernacle October 29th.

Apples and Oranges 

Tara Reid makes vague threats to the world.

Some dude named Matt Damon is desperate to be Baby Violet Garfleck's godfather.

Everybody give a big "Howdy!" to Tribe member Scarlett Johansson. (via Thighmaster)

In the world of B-List celebrities and VIP perks, how's a girl supposed to know those aren't her chicken wings?

Chattahoochie River water + a shit ton of salt = instant fake ocean

Pastor Joe Simpson preaches the gospel: "When we were in church work, they wore bikinis and short shorts. People in the church got mad at me then, but we believe that what's in the heart is more important than what's on the outside."

Hey boys, Keira Knightley needs some TLC.

Sorry baby, were you talking to me?

Marc Cohn shot in the head during a carjacking in Denver.

Jeanine Pirro makes vague threats to the world.

Wanted Bosnian Serb paramiliatary leader arrested in Argentina. What is it about war criminals turning up in Argentina?

Monday, August 08, 2005

FAB Wants Kimchi 

The New York Times' Saki Knafo miraculously manages to find the only New Yorkers unfamiliar* with bibimbop and for some reason they're all crowded into the same Korean restaurant on St. Marks and First. If we're not mistaken, this restaurant used to be a different** Korean joint, and one that actually did introduce New York to some new Korean food. If Korean restaurants are already replacing other Korean restaurants, and almost thirty blocks away from Koreatown, verily this must be a harbinger of the new age of Korean (food) domination.

*We find it hard to believe that there really are people in New York who would "[gaze] perplexedly" at a bowl of bimbimbop and can only assume that the author is using some sort of exceedingly lame hyperbolic-esque literary device. We aren't fooled, young Saki.

**To be honest, it may actually be the same Korean restaurant with a different name and different menu, but if it has a different name and a different menu, how can it really be the same anyway?

Delightfully Quirky Songs From Bands I Didn't Really Dig So Much at First But Are Now on Heavy Rotation on the iPod 

The Spinto Band - This seven-piece out of Wilmington, Delaware (yeah, Delaware) is just beginning to get the kind of exposure they deserve with the insatiably catchy "Oh Mandy." I also can't stop listening to "Japan is an Island" which was reissued on their latest album, Nice and Nicely Done.

The Sun - The Sun is on the rise. Once I gave this band a proper listen, "Justice" grabbed my ear and wouldn't let go for days.

Oucho Sparks - This Chicago band's previous release Silver Daddy received mixed reviews accusing them of gratuitously experimental antics. While most of their original tracks didn't do much for me, I did enjoy "5Ft5." If "Mercedes 300D" is an indication of what's to come on their September release, these guys deserve a much better reception this time around.

Hello Nurse - These New Yorkers most likely won't be mistaken for any of the more pop-driven indie acts coming out of New York these days. At first I couldn't connect so well with the lead vocals, but after a few listens I really began to appreciate the energy and different kinds of sounds these guys are making with songs like "Animalympics" and "Token Summer."

This is a low budget operation, and I don't know how to post mp3s so go check 'em out on MySpace.

Advance Ear Notes 

Last week we told you about the first American Across the Pond festival to take place in New York in October. The festival has now been renamed Across the Narrows and added Built To Spill, Rilo Kiley, Death From Above 1979, Mando Diao, Nine Black Alps, Interpol, British Sea Power, Lake Trout, Tegan & Sara, and the Ordinary Boys to the lineup.


Tara Reid gets wasted, puts firecracker in mouth. Unfortunately nobody around sober enough to light the fuse.

Angelina reported to be carrying a product of genetic near-perfection. Brad totally pussy-whipped.

Jude and Sienna decide to have another go.

Once again proving the age old maxim that hot chicks fancy rich guys, Mischa Barton sheds her beard and runs back in the arms of greasy tub of lard, Brandon Davis.

Midtown's Hotel Indigo brings Atlanta Gay Singles Mixer its first Canine Cocktail Hour every Tuesday evening.

Kimberly Stewart gets the starring role she's been waiting for.

"Sharon Stone is a huge fan of traditional lesbian sports"

Liam Gallagher not sure who's better: Liam Gallagher or Elvis Presley?

The Black Widow of competitive eating mouths 35 bratwurst in 10 minutes. No word on whether she has a boyfriend.

Not surprisingly, Pete Doherty is probably gonna die soon.

Apparently somebody was impressed by pictures of Charlotte Church in a bikini.

Posh Spice defends plastic surgery
, not that she's ever done it herself, of course.

New OutKast album to be released this fall.

Marilyn Monroe made Joan Crawford "[shriek] like a maniac." Joan fails to do it for Marilyn.

Rest well Peter Jennings and Ibrahim Ferrer. Each a good man in his own way.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight the divinely beautiful Miss Tori Amos will be at Chastain Park Amphitheatre with the Ditty Bops.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Now Isn't That Patriotic 

Ya know, honey, I was thinking that this giant statue of Big Bird after he fell into a huge vat of blue food coloring would look really nice if we put it up on our roof, no?

Keep Your Hands in the Boat, Bub 

Kid somehow manages to drown in the Ye Old Mill ride at Rye Playland. FAB has always feared the Dragon Coaster if only because the sign out front declaring the rickety old coaster a local historical monument fails to inspire much confidence, but we cannot fathom how even a six year old child can be killed in what amounts to a low-budget haunted house boat ride that makes the log flume look like a rocket ship. Clearly the adults have some explaining to do.

Clearly it was Divine Intercession 

The Latsis/Kasidokostas clan not actually as stupid as progeny would suggest.

Willa Wonka can keep his stupid chocolate rivers, we're moving to Italy.

Speaking of which, some lucky Atlantan has cocoa-scented farts.

Diamonds bring peace in the Middle East.

Nick Lachey publicly admits he's still pussy whipped, has no career of own.

Jamie Foxx engages extra security to protect himself from Anna Nicole.

Actually she just wanted to buy time so she could update her bridal registry with next season's goods.

Swarms of ethnic people about to descend on greater Atlanta. Here come the Koreans...

It always comes back to porn doesn't it? We can't wait for the made-for-tv movie.

Michael Pitt fears Prada gig would have hurt his hipster cred. Oh how naive we are, sweet Michael.

New Broken Social Scene to employ even more Canadians.

After dating for the equivalent of 5.3 Hollywood marriages, Charlize and Stuart decide to make it legal.

Don't they know that the whole Lizzie Grubman-Nightclub-SUV thing was so totally 2001?

Tommy Lee has "a bunch of new friends" now. FAB can't wait to see the uniforms.

Robert Iler pulls a Jack Osbourne.

Southern Republicans downright offended that the government would suggest that they might discriminate against Black voters. Well shiiiit, where in tarnation would those meddling Feds have gotten such a preposterous idea?

We can't all be princesses and Victoria's Secret models, dear.

Weekend Music Guide: Atlanta 

Tonight the Orphins, Parade, and Dig Shovel Dig will be at Lenny's.

Rahzel from the Roots will be making noise at the Drunken Unicorn.

Tomorrow night the Brian Jonestown Massacre will be playing a sold out show at the Earl with Innaway and the Quarter After.

If you don't have tickets for that show, FAB recommends heading over to the Tabernacle to see Rahzel, this time with Common, De La Soul, and John Legend.

Catchy Nashville band Overzealous will be at the 10 High.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

How to Annoy FAB* 

Insist on walking two to five paces behind me everytime we go anywhere, regardless of my relative speed, thereby forcing me to turn around at alarmingly frequent intervals just to make sure you haven't somehow gotten lost in the crowd. When he was in high school, FABBro used to do this to the entire FABFam. But our family is embarrassing. And he was a teenager. Unless you are a small child, a moody teenager, or otherwise retarded, disabled, or a midget, there really is no excuse for this sort of behavior.

*I probably should just tell you this in person and I'm sorry if you read it here and get mad. On the other hand, I'm not really sorry because if you read it here and get mad then clearly you know you are doing it in the first place.

Ear Notes: ATL 

Tonight FAB recommends checking out the Close at the Earl with support from Snowden, the New Roman Times, and Brass Bed.

Also, tickets for the following shows are on sale now at Criminal Records in Little Five Points and online on the Earl's webpage:
8.27 The Features
8.31 Pernice Brothers
9.03 Grupo Fantasma
9.10 Peelander-Z
9.13 Akron/Family & The Great Lake Swimmers
9.19 Nebula
9.23 Five Eight
9.27 Maserati
9.29 The Fleshtones/ The Forty-Fives
10.04 The Electric Six/ The Woggles
10.11 The Frames & Josh Ritter
10.15 Ambulance Ltd/ Clap Your Hands Say Yeah*
10.18 Sleepytime Gorilla Museum
10.19 Detroit Cobras/ Reigning Sound
10.20 John Vanderslice/ Portastatic
11.14 Broadcast

So go forth and buy.

*If there are no tickets left for this show when we return to Atlanta at the end of August, we may be forced to drop by each of your houses and punch you in the face. Just so you know.

FAB has been told many a time that an Asian Jew is like a Jewish guy's wet dream. Like the unforbidden forbidden fruit. However, based on preliminary research and anecdotal evidence, this is not at all the case. We're not getting any younger and our track record with nailing the Yeshiva boys has been less than impressive. We have many shiksa friends who have had more luck dating within the Tribe. Perhaps it's time for FAB to take a page from the Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men and start loitering around accountant conventions. (via Ultragrrrl)

Overheard in New York Continues to Kill FAB or Oh Alma Mater! 

Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I've seen a lot of Asians around.

--116th & Broadway

Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.



Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Moving on Out 

After gaining national attention for his overindulgent carnivorous offerings, the ignorant, tongue-flapping owner of Mulligan's Bar and Restaurant in Decatur, home of the famous Luther Burger and Hamdog, is taking his business to mid Georgia presumably so he can spout his idiotic rhetoric without those pesky Mexicans around to bus his dishes or ask questions. FAB just hopes he leaves the meat behind. [Ed. A reader has pointed out that I'm retarded. Yes Virgina, there is a difference between Marietta and Decatur. The long and short of it is: the bigot goes, the meat stays. Everybody wins.]

And while we're on the topic of tasty morsels, FAB thinks it's high time for a visit to Charleston. Unfortunately, we'll be unable to accompany Kill Gordon on his upcoming visit because we've got our hearts set on staying in Atlanta to check out much buzzed about fellow New Yorkers, Nightmare of You.

Pretty Soon We'll be Calling Him Henry the Eighth 

Introducing Mrs. Robert Evans the seventh.

Has Charlotte Church been playing with the Queen of Diamonds?

Jennifer Aniston channels Edna Pontellier.

FAB favorite recluse Jeff Mangum resurfaces briefly at last night's Olivia Tremor Control show at the Bowery. (They'll be there again tonight. OTC, that is. Not sure about Jeff.)

And Naomi wonders how she got that bitchin' reputation.

Rosie is the new Golde? Oy.

On the Road to the silver screen.

Rupert Murdoch takes over. Yawn.

Simon Rich is doing a kick ass job at the Harvard Lampoon. Kudos.

What do Jesus thumpers, black journalists, and autograph hounds have in common? Your traffic nightmare.

It seems that Jude has already taken care of business, if you know what I mean.

Bob Geldof suddenly a real popular guy.

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